


The Atrophy of Endurance

by viraseii



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Angst, Angst is fun, Biting, Blood, Death, F/F, F/M, Fake Character Death, Gore, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Violence, Zombies, Zombiestuck, also uh, general stuff you'd expect with zombie au's?, it might be poorly written, or at least I'll try to do some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6317722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viraseii/pseuds/viraseii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So you win a game, and you think you're good and all set for life, and then what's dead comes back rearing its ugly head. Literally. As zombies.</p><p>God, you really hate your birthdays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> It's a zombiestuck au. I'm not too serious about this project yet, it's just something I work on when I have free time, which is almost... never? Also, most of it's written late at night, so. Yeah. That should speak for itself I think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: The picture to this went poof. I didn't delete it, I don't know who did, and I'll try to get it back up, but, err.... i dunno what happened to it. It wasn't important to the storyline, it was just a picture of Dave sitting on the ground with Rose lying on the couch but... i mean, I'm kinda sad it disappeared but it wasn't too important anyway.

Dave Strider, day one.

So some really serious shit went down today.

Fuck, where do I start.

The apocalypse has happened. By zombies, no less.

We're currently in a huge building we've blocked off. John, Jade, and Rose are here. All exits are sealed. We should conserve water, hey, Rose we should conserve water. The rest of you don't possess the finely tuned ability to survive solely on the juice of the gods like I do.

We can deal with your childhood traunatic events later, Dave.

Whoa excuse me

However, I agree we should save water. I think there were several containers sonewhere near all this furniture.

Yeah, whatever. Do whatever the hell it is you're doing. Rose thinks people need to know stuff. She can't talk very well though, 'cause her lip's all cut up. So here I am, recording this for some bullshit reason. Harley just happened to have all this random shit in her sylladex, and now we've got this dumb recorder thing. The girl is amazing.

I pulled a few muscles in my wrist, got a cut on my left upper leg. John has a gash in the back of his right shoulder. Jade's actually mostly fine, that girl with her first guardian powers has nothing to worry about. Rose, again, has got a cut on her lip, and her stomach is bleeding, but the wound is shallow. All of us are bruised up. No broken bones, I guess. She can still mainly talk, just as long as she doesn't move her upper lip.

We're dealing with some pretty heavy shit. The four of us were all just hanging out, in downtown.

Near the mall, someone started screaming.

No one was screaning yet, Strider.

stfu

A car drove by, darts shooting out of guns in the window. People were hit, they fell to the ground, ambulances were called, all of that. But before any of them arrived, the patients got up and started attacking nearby people. Everyone started to panic.

There were stampedes. Rose seemed to think the mall wasn't a good choice for a place to hide, because it was made of glass or something. I can't quite argue with her I guess, I mean I've seen enough YouTube videos to know at least the basics about this apocalypse stuff. Which is... probably the best thing about this planet? A+ to these guys for inventing YouTube again.

So we used some of Jade's science shit to jumpstart a car and we drove away. Thank fuck I can drive. A zombie tried to break in through the windshield. Half of it broke away in shards before we absconded the fuck out of there.

The thing is, this virus was manmade. I'd heard dumb fake news stories about scientists working on zombie-viruses. It was a fascinating subject I guess. Dead things and what not.

But someone meant for this to happen. Someone is trying to orchestrate mass murder.

The _four_ of us know this, because we saw it. I don't think anyone else at that mall survived. The virus was fresher there, not having traveled through different immune systems, and it spread quickly. For reasons Lalonde is trying to figure out, as it evolves to be more resistant to the immune system, it overtakes the body slower.

Right now, John and Jade have gone out to get food. Not sure when they'll get back, but I'm pretty sure Harley can take care of herself, and John by extension.

Not very nice, Dave.

Whatever.

There isn't anything much else to say here. The summary is, shit is going down. Peace out.

Recorded 7:49 p.m. 4/7/12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was kind of lazy with that picture. Let me know what you think of this style! The next chapter is going to be a more traditional narrative. Second person. ALSO A LOT LONGER, TRUST ME. THIS CHAPTER WAS MAINLY JUST ME TRYING THIS IDEA OUT AND STUFF. But writing like this is also fun, so I'll probably be doing that more in the future and stuff.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe chapter one should have gone after this... but whatever, enjoy!!!!

Hours in the past...

The four of you stroll along the sidewalk, laughing. "Here!" Jade says, pointing at a large entrance, doors of glass providing a faintly distorted view of the mall inside.

"Man, I don't want to go shopping," Dave moans.

"I think it could be a little fun! We could get ice cream," you suggest.

"Let's go," Rose says, dragging her brother toward the gates. Before getting very far, though, she pauses suddenly. Her expression is far away all of a sudden, and something about the way her body stills all over catches your attention and makes you stop as well.

"Rose?" Jade asks. "What is it?"

"I..." She seems lost in troubled thought.

"Uh, Rose, are you okay?" you ask. She doesn't acknowledge you.

Dave shakes his wrist out of her unmoving fingers. "Earth to Lalonde," he deadpans, waving his hand in front of her face. "This is officer Strider reporting from downtown. Officer Lalonde is MIA. She was last seen catching a severe case of spacing the fuck out."

You laugh and start to say something, but Rose's eyes suddenly widen and she turns around, pushing you and Jade to the ground.

"Duck!" she hisses. A sleek black van drives smoothly around the corner before picking up speed, racing by in front of the mall. Tinted windows roll down, and acute whizzing sounds split the air. People gasp and scream as their friends and family crumple before them.

One of the dart guns turns toward you. "Holy fuck, do your windy spacey shit!" Dave yells, the quickest to react, his sword appearing with a flash in his hands just in time to deflect a dart to the right.

"Uh..." You focus, steadying your panicked breathing, and pull the wind tightly around the four of you crouching on the ground. A strong gust blows in front of you, shielding you. Shortly after that, several darts whizzing in your direction halt in midair and fall to the floor.

As quickly as it came, the van is gone, speeding away down the one-way street. People around you are crying out in fear.

"I haven't sensed danger that strong since the game," Rose mumbles.

"What was that?" Jade demands. "I mean, what was the _purpose_ of that?"

"Hey, look," you say, pointing to a man in about his mid-twenties on the ground. He's moaning, slowly moving to get up on all fours. A dart sticks out from his upper arm, where his veins have swollen up and are sticking out from his arm, exposed by his sleeveless jersey. The skin is an angry red. His moans sound angry, in pain.

"Sir?" Rose calls out gently but firmly, stepping closer and bending down slightly, ready to offer a hand. The moans are starting to sound slowly and slowly more like growls.

"Rose..." Dave mutters.

"Sir, are you able to stand?" she asks loudly.

Suddenly he sits up, and your eyes widen in surprise. His eyes are bloodshot, his mouth sneering and leaking blood from one corner.

"Rose!" you yell, right as the man and Dave lunge forward at the same time. Dave grabs Rose's arm and pulls her back as the man hefts a pocketknife and reaches for her face. His knife rakes across the skin just under her nose. She cries out a little and stumbles backward as Dave raises his sword, but Jade pushes her hand out and the man flies backward, crashing into a pole.

You scramble to your feet and rush to Rose, who is clutching her mouth. "Rose! Are you okay?" She looks up at you, moving her hand away and poking gingerly at her lip with her tongue, spitting blood to the side.

Jade tilts her chin up a little and inspects the cut.

"It's not very large, b-" Rose winces as her lips make contact.

"But its's deep," Jade mumbles.

"Jeez, are you okay? Dave, are you okay?"

"We've got issues, guys," he calls back in response to your question. You turn around. People are getting up, moaning similarly to the man who just attacked Rose. "How many random strangers even just carry pocketknives with them at all times? Jesus fucking Christ."

The first screams break out just then. You spin to find the commotion. Someone is biting another woman's arm. Another man punches the first, sending him stumbling back and snarling. People are gasping and backing away from him. The woman wilts to her knees for a second, before her whole body shudders. She lets out a small half-hearted scream before standing. The bite is swelling.

"They're.... zombies?" you marvel incredulously.

"I did  _not_  sign up for this shit, I am so fucking out," Dave declares, his tone hostile.

"We can't stay here," Rose says firmly.

"What about inside the building?" you ask.

"No, we can't. The entrance is glass. We need to leave."

"I... I'm pretty sure I can jump start a car!" Jade offers. Fights are breaking out, increasing in number.

"What the fuck are we waiting for, official orders from the government?" Dave demands, turning to the street. "There, that's a fairly sweet ride," he says, pointing to a sleek silver car, shining and untouched.

"Dave, we can't take such an expensive car," you frown.

"Fuck that, we created this universe. We can do whatever the hell we want."

Jade uncaptchalogues a few things and opens the hood of the car, fiddling with wires. Rose aggresses another zombie intent on having you for lunch. "Got it!" Jade calls after a minute, as the car rumbles to life. She waves one hand, the locks click, and the doors open.

"John," Rose warns. You turn to see someone growling and running in the direction of the four of you. Raising an arm, a blast of wind hits them back.

"This is kind of cool," you admit.

"Fuck no," Dave says, fending off another one. "We already had more than our fair share of this in the game. This is fucking bullshit."

"Get in the car- hey!" Jade yells. You turn to look at her just as she morphs into a silhouette of green fire, resulting in a zombie running straight through her and appearing back near the mall, looking very confused.

" _John_ ," Rose warns again, but before you can turn around pain races across the muscles in the back of your right shoulder. You let out a startled grunt before letting your body dissolve.

Being wind is scary. Meaning, It's fun, but there's no feeling, no actual sense of tangibility. The only thing you can really retain is your own sentience.

You rematerialize facing the other direction and raise Hephaestus's hammer, which you still have from the game for some dumb reason. Slamming it into your attacker's face, he freezes in time.

Dave turns his attention to your subject briefly, speeding up the timeline within the small chamber you've created.

His countenance grows revulsive, grisly and horrifying, his skin rotting, until you're forced to look away.

"Oh my god," Dave mutters, his mouth parting slightly. The zombie, its body horrific, turns slowly to glare in Dave's direction. He backs away, and the spell breaks. The zombie groans, breathing raggedly and taking slow steps toward Dave, who stands frozen until someone behind him lunges up from the ground and stabs the outside of his left thigh.

"Aah," he groans in pain, stumbling against the car. His arm flashes out on instinct, decapitating his attacker, but he winces.

"Dave!" Jade yells, her voice panicked. Her glare turns to the aged zombie and his body shoots backward at about a hundred miles an hour. "I  _said_ -" she growls, her hoodie askew so that one of her fluffy white ears pokes out. " _Get_ in the  _car!_ "

A peculiar feeling suddenly overcomes you as everything shoots up in proportion. You are the size of a flea and are shooting through the car doors, and just as quickly as you'd shrunk, your body grows to normal size again and you, Rose, and Dave are all jumbled into the back seat.

"Ughh," you groan, clutching your shoulder.

"I can drive," Dave grunts, wiggling into the front seat. You reach to close your door, punching a zombie out of the way. Jade appears in the passenger seat as Dave tries to work the pedals.

Rose extends her hand to the door handle, and someone slashes across her stomach right as part of the windshield shatters on Jade's side. Rose sticks a needle in the zombie's eye and slams the door closed, as Jade space-throws it down the road. Dave maneuvers the car and you zoom away.

"You're going the wrong direction, Dave!" Jade cries out.

"Seriously? You care about the signs? I just want to get away from the zombie psychos."

Everything flashes with green fire for a brief second before you're suddenly going in the other direction.

"We're heading towards the mall again!" you warn.

The zombie Dave had tried to time-kill leaps in front of your vehicle, reaching for Jade through the windshield as the car barrels into him. He snarls.

"What the  _fuck_ ," Dave yells, as Jade growls and the zombie flies away from the car and crashes into the mall's glass paneling.

"These things are impossible to kill!" Jade says.

"Yeah, shit," Dave gasps, focusing on the car. "Fuck, my leg hurts. I thought we were supposed to be gods."

"I supp-" Rose winces. "I think heroic wounds aren't innediately self-healing."

"Innediately," Dave comments.

Rose throws a needle at him, which lodges itself in the dashboard.

He whistles. "Chill."

"Rose, is that cut okay?" you ask cautiously.

She moves her right hand away from her abdomen, tinged with red. "It's shallow. I think I'll live."

You laugh with relief, the sarcasm lost on you. "That's good. You had me worried!"

"I'm fine too Egbert, thanks for asking," Dave says flatly.

"Are you okay?" Jade says gently.

"Are  _you_  okay? You handled that zombie John and I tried to kill pretty well."

She shrugs. "That was gross. But I saw a lot of creepy stuff on my island, and again in the game of course."

"Thanks Jade, you saved us," you say. "I don't think anyone at that mall survived."

"No," Rose agrees. "Whoefer started this doesn't want to ve found out."

"You probably shouldn't talk," Dave suggests.

"Yeah, what if you hurt yourself more?" Jade worries.

"We'll haffe to record what ha.... occurred today."

"Why?" Dave groans. "Also, your 'what' sounds like 'hwut'."

"Fuck off, Strider."

"No, I think we  _should_  be keeping track!" you agree. "No one else knows how this started. We need to keep the information in case someone out there could use it!"

"Sure. We first need to find somewhere to stay. I only have a permit, I can't drive to the hotel, and that shit was spreading so fast, I don't want to spend time looking for a taxi."

Jade is rifling through the glove compartment. This town is about medium size, and the streets are not too congested, although not particularly wide either. People mill along the sides, but it's not enough to be considered a crowd.

Dave drives for a few more minutes before stopping in front of a large boarded up complex. It's only four stories tall, but very large. Theres some blue paint over a little under a half of it, but most of the wood is exposed. "I bet this'll work," he says.

"Eww," Jade mumbles, pausing her search through the glove compartment. "There's this, but no first aid kit?"

Dave leans over. "Haha, hot," he comments, holding up a few packets of condoms. Jade glares at it and it vanishes in a flash of green.

"Let's get to the building," she demands. Dave nods and Jade turns the keyhole with her space powers.

"Couldn't you have started the car like that in the first place?" Dave mutters.

"Hey, I don't know how the power and everything works! Shutting it off is easier than starting it up. We didn't use cars on my island. Also, I kind of didn't think of it then. We were fighting, you know."

Dave sighs. "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, the long-awaited second chapter.  
> Chapters 3 and 4 are still drafted.  
> But.  
> But.  
> I will have less pictures per chapter from now on.  
> Ngl, this was fun, but seriously it just took WAY too long and I'm half sick of this fic already; I was suuuuper psyched about it before and I don't want to lose my momentum.  
> IF YOU COMMENTED AND STUFF, THAT WOULD BE AMAZING. Seriously, they help so much, you don't even know. What do you think of this chapter?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long overdue. Please don't hurt me.
> 
> With less pictures but also better quality pictures i guess so eh
> 
> these poor kids are suffering

You take your time getting out of the car, careful with your shoulder. Dave winces but walks confidently with only a slight limp. Inside the building within immediate view is a large open space filled with wooden support beams, construction tools, a fridge, a bathroom that hasn't yet been dismantled, stairs, several plastic chairs, a large table, and the smell of sawdust.

Dave immediately opens the fridge. "Fuck yes," he sighs. "There's apple juice." He pours some into a plastic cup from the stack on top of the fridge and sits down in a chair.

A variety of other furniture has been pushed to one corner of the room. Rose lays down on a sofa and closes her eyes, her lip swollen up and her stomach still bleeding slightly. You decide to pour yourself some juice and take a seat on the ground near Dave. Jade is rummaging around on the table. She uncaptchalogues a shitload of sciencey industrial stuff on one end, before hurrying back with a heavy first aid kit from under the table.

"Here, I'll help you," you offer, setting your juice on the ground and walking over to help unlatch the box. It's large. Jade opens it, studying the contents. Her gaze shifts to dace, who's watching silently.

"Dave, either roll up your pants or take them off," Jade demands.

He raises his eyebrows. "Are you asking me to strip, Harley?"

"Dave!" you say. "Gross."

Jade holds up a bottle of alcohol as Dave's pant sleeve rolls itself up by the force of her will. "Oh my gosh, Dave!" she gasps. Blood is running down his leg, and the cut is deep.

"S'okay. I've seen worse," Dave says dully.

"Doesn't it hurt?" You breathe.

He laughs. "Adorable. Here, give me that." He reaches for the gauze in one of Jade's hands, but she pulls it away and glares at him.

"Alcohol, Dave."

"Come on, I'm not gonna catch anything, I'm a god," he protests.

"There's a zombie virus going around! I'm not going to let you become one of them if I can help it, so you can just sit tight and shut up!" She says stubbornly, pouring alcohol into the bottle lid.

"Shit, Harley, it's no big dea-OH." His leg muscles tense up as Jade dribbles some onto the wound. His jaw tightens, and you have to chuckle a bit.

"You're next, Egbert," he hisses at you, draining first his glass of apple juice and then yours.

"Hey!" You protest.

"The juice is mineaghh." Jade pours some more alcohol into the cut. "Just dump that shit into my bloodstream, why don't you."

"It's done, you big baby," she laughs, her dog ears twitching. She places gauze over the cut and begins wrapping a bandage around his leg, trying it off and rolling his pants back down.

"Thanks," he says.

"Come on, John!" she grins. You protest slightly, but remove your outer shirt slowly and pull your half sleeve down enough to expose your right shoulder.

The process is agonizing, if not as painful as the few times you've been run through with a sword. At least zombies aren't as much of a threat as a semi-omnipotent one armed winged dog with two tentacles, a sword, and a love for stabbing people. Or an evil fish alien. Or lord English, for that matter. Zombies you can deal with easily compared to the enemies of your past.

"I think you'll need to take your shirt off, actually," Jade says uncertainly. "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to wrap this."

"Don't make me move my arm," you complain.

"Okay, fineeee!" The shirt grows in size until it hangs so loosely she can wrap the bandage around you, alternating between bringing it around your chest and over one or the other of your shoulders.

"Whatever, good enough," she sighs. Your shirt shrinks back to its original size. "Rose?" she calls, picking up the kit and walking toward your fourth friend, resting on the sofa.

You sigh. "What a day, right?" you say.

Dave glares out some windows at the far end of the room that have been boarded up and offer no view. "It's bullshit. We don't deserve this. We created this fucking universe, Jesus, can't it do us any favors?"

"Haha, yeah," you agree. "Although to be honest, going to school again felt weird."

Dave snorts. "I never went to school before the game."

"It's not like you ever attended class after the game, either," Jade calls back from the sofa, where Rose is slowly maneuvering into a more accessible position.

"Hey, the Internet has all I need to know!" Dave says. "And I have showed up once or twice."

"I was hoping that by now we would have found Karkat and the others," you sigh, hurriedly changing the topic. "It's been nearly a year."

"I don't know. I suppose each original group of players got sent somewhere else," Dave says slowly, an edge in his otherwise impassive voice.

"Yeah," you sigh. "I haven't seen Roxy in so long."

Dave laughs a little. "Yeah. Mom. She was cool. Your mom was pretty cool too. They were all pretty cool."

"Ugh, you should stop calling them that!" you say, shuddering ever so slightly.

"Doesn't matter. We're all fucked up genetic slime babies. Who even cares."

You sigh. "I don't think we're ever going to be able to live normal lives, are we?" You say sadly.

"Normal is the Pitch Perfect of life. Which is to say, outrageously overrated."

"Only Dave has seen that novie," Rose calls out.

Dave barks out a laugh. "Hey Rose, you can't say 'Pitch Perfect', can you? Man, the sweet cacophony of the absence of snarky horseshit in the air is tender silk on my ear drums."

"Can silence exist as a cacophony as well?"

"Ha! You can't say the word "be". Man, I'm having so much fun talking right now, you don't even know," Dave taunts.

"Fuck off, Strider," Rose calls weakly.

"You shouldn't talk," Jade says quietly.

Jade rises from the sofa and looks around. The floor is mainly empty, and every window on this story is visible from your vantage.

"Can't you just move the skin around to cover all our wounds with your space powers?" Dave says.

"Gross," you comment.

"Biology is cool!" He protests.

"I'm a witch, not a sylph," Jade says. She focuses on the door and an entire table flies over and settles against it.

"How are we going to get out?" you ask. A valid concern, you think.

"Don't worry about that, I'll take care of all of it," she says. "There's a restaurant down the street, I think. That's where we're getting our dinner. Shall we go now?"

"Sure," you say. "Why not? More of a chance of this area getting affected by the virus the longer we stay."

"I'll come with you," Dave offers.

"I'll take John. You should stay here with Rose in case zombies get in," she says. "If we get split up, none of us will be alone at least.

"Sure, Jade," you agree, taking her hand. "Bye, Rose, bye, Dave!"

A flash of green, and you're standing around a corner. You and Jade walk out as if you didn't just teleport from down the street, and enter the restaurant. None of the restaurants in this universe are exactly like old earth restaurants, but there are a ton of parallels. This one is a human restaurant, with a twin troll restaurant across the street. The menu offers sandwiches, paninis, soups, and pastas.

You're on edge. You don't want to die a heroic death, and you know you'll resurrect if a zombie attacks you when you're off guard, since you're not acting heroic as of now. But it's the infection you're worried about. Would you still get affected if you weren't bitten under heroic or just circumstances? It's confusing as fuck.

You and Jade have already spent several centuries arguing over the menu when someone yelps. Jade's hoodie is up, and it's large enough to overshadow her eyes, so through the reflection of her round glasses you can't tell if she's noticed. "The mozzarella-tomato panini smells delicious, though," she whispers. "We can just get both!"

You squint in the direction of the noise. A troll has entered, angular horns curving in a general downward direction.

"John?"

She's an adult, her irises a pale yellow, and she hisses at the man she's leaning on before sinking her fangs into his skin.

He yells. "Jade, we've got to go! Just take the whole kitchen or something!" you say, panicked as the female troll attacks a nearby teenager next.

"No!" Jade says. A few flashes of green in quick succession reflect off the smooth metal of the kitchen walls before you and Jade make for the exit. "John! We have to do something!" she cries, pulling to a stop.

You look at Jade, panicked. Your shoulder aches. "It's only going to spread, even if we delay it! We should get back to Dave and Rose and let them know they've reached this street! And we need to stay inside the building now!"

One of her ears twitches unhappily under the fabric of the hoodie before she nods. You bolt past the people crowding the exit and run down the street, avoiding and fighting off troll zombies pouring out of the second restaurant. You rush around a corner before you teleport back to the building.

Dave looks up at you from a recorder device. "What happened? You two are winded."

"Troll zombies!" you say.

"It's spread to this street," Jade sighs.

"Fuck," Dave sums up.

"Fuck," Rose comments.

"Fuck," you and Jade agree.

"That was rather quick," Rose observes, although you're not sure the acknowledgement helps your situation in any way.

You stroll over to the food and sit. "Jade, where's my sandwich!"

"No, it smelled awful! The meat was suspicious. I didn't get it!" Jade says stubbornly. You groan about her weird dog senses and pick up a tomato sandwich instead.

"I'm telling you, we should have just brought the whole kitchen," you grumble.

"What an amazing idea," Dave says. "Harley, why didn't you get the whole kitchen?"

She glares at him. "Really?" She rolls her eyes, disappears, and then flashes back after a few moments with a kitchen suddenly sitting in the middle of the room. You grin and stand, planning to the whole thing and add everything you can fit into your sandwich.

"We should get water," you suggest after everyone has worked through their dinner silently. "I think it's better to get fresh water before the virus infects the supply or anything."

"Containers over here," Rose says, pointing behind the sofa. "Dave and I were talking of that just now as well."

"Hey Rose, say boxes," Dave teases. She flips him off.

She sits up to help Jade with the boxes, and the two of them disappear into the bathroom, which doesn't have a door.

A few minutes pass until Dave murmurs, "when is it going to not be weird with us?"

"I don't know!" you say quietly. "You're the one who..."

"No, don't say that," Dave huffs. "Look, can we maybe accept that it was _maybe_ just a heat of the moment thing?"

"It's not about that!" you protest. "I... It was wrong, and the fact that we did it can't be erased!"

Annoyance is etched into Dave's voice now. "What is even so wrong about it? It was some dumb earth thing. We're in a new universe entirely now, John. Shit like that doesn't matter, it never did."

"I- it- it totally does!" you splutter. "I don't have those feelings. You're my best friend."

"Then why did you kiss me?" He says flatly.

"I didn't!" you hiss. "I'm fine with others doing stuff like that but I never wanted to join in!" Rose and Jade come back before either of you can expand on the conversation.

You recede into your thoughts. It was one of the rare moments Dave came to school, and the two of you were cramped into a niche on either side of the drinking fountain. You were just complaining about things, like homework, and teachers. And slowly, conversation drifted to the game. You talked about Karkat and about Terezi. About Roxy and Dirk. Both of you sort of leaned in at the same time in an unspoken decision...

And it lasted for about .75 seconds before you pulled away as if Dave had burned you. His face was impassive as ever, and yours was heating up like the green sun.

Then you ran back to class, and he just left.

It's been weird since then. That was maybe a week ago.

"John! Earth to John."

You blink as Jade calls your name. "Earth doesn't even exist anymore, does it?" You laugh sadly. "It exploded and all. Like, a second time. Third? Now we have this planet instead."

"Gaiya isn't that hard of a name to remember, though," Jade shrugs. "It's just, I don't know. We grew up on Earth so, why leave that behind? At least we remember how great it was."

"Gaiya is fron Greek, for Earth," Rose provides. Dave, for once, doesn't tease her inability to pronounce m's. "I don't know if this.." she pauses for a bit, trying to come up with an alternate name for planet. "if Gaiya had Greek or if the word stens from a different yet sinilar language."

"It's exactly like Earth, but it still feels sad and lonely," you sigh. "Just because we know that it's not Earth."

There's silence for a bit after this. Eventually Jade stands and whisks all the trash into a corner, shrinking it so it hardly takes up space. "I'll stay up for a while. Maybe we should keep watch, one at a time, to make sure we can't be snuck up on. The rest of you should sleep."

You nod in agreement. It's getting dark, and you're tired anyway. Rose goes back to her sofa and lies down. There are three more, which strikes you as convenient. Dave sprawls over the one right across from you, and you study his face a little before slipping off your glasses and closing your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it should be noted that john and dave both have a lot of conflicted feelings
> 
> would you guys be okay if I decided not to illustrate the rest of this fic? the pictures would remain up, but it's just really dragging me down. I'll probably do the same thing with this that I did with my other story; if anyone wants to illustrate, I'll put it in the story and give you credit. But I really don't want to draw for this anymore and instead focus on writing. It'll certainly get the chapters out faster.  
> I used to be super excited for this though and the thought of drawing more pictures makes me want to stab my drawing journal soooo. I think I'd prefer to just keep it to text from now on. would you guys be okay with that?
> 
> Also, John in a baseball tee is not a thing I knew I needed until now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooooo, no pictures.

"Look, just trust me okay? I know what I'm doing! We need to be here."

You roll your eyes at Vriska as hard as you can, before groaning and letting your head fall into your arms, resting on the table.

Kanaya pats your head, equally to your annoyance and pleasure. "What the fuck _are_ we even doing?" you complain. "At least let's order some food." Grabbing a menu, you wave at a waiter.

Terezi wrinkles her nose. "The troll four tables over has something and it's awful," she informs you all.

You glance over as the waiter leaves. The troll she's referring to has purple veins showing through his skin near what is clearly a bite mark, although not too deep. It's on his arm, and his finned moirail is carefully touching the swollen skin around it. You can hear them murmuring. "What are they saying, Terezi?" Vriska asks.

"A human bit the purple blood and the other man is worried," she supplies. "How adorable."

"Hmmmmmmmm." You shift your eyes to Vriska. "We should keep away from them," she says.

"We should keep away from this place in general and go back home," Sollux grumbles, staring at his phone.

"Agreed," you sigh loudly.

"Oh please," Aradia says. "You guys are such pessimists. It's been months and it's about time we all went exploring as a group!"

"I believe an outing once in a while would only be beneficial," Kanaya offers.

"Fuck no," you say in a decisive voice. "If I have to bear all this niceness for one more fucking minute I'm going to do some sort of acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and straight into the 'has officially lost all ability to comprehend the stupidity of this shitass planet' zone."

"Oh stop your blubbering, brave leader! You need to relaaaaaaaax," Vriska sighs.

"Hey, I thought we established like twenty sweeps ago that I wasn't any kind of _fucking_ leader anymore," you grumble. "You clearly only fucking say that to taunt me, and then you deny your blatant flirting!"

"Shh," Kanaya says, patting your head again. You grumble and glare at the shiny table surface in front of you.

"It's adorable how you still quote Dave after all this time," Terezi gushes.

"Eheheheh, yeah, it kind of is," Sollux teases. You raise your hands, your temper flaring and miraculously lifting up your middle fingers by some weird fluke of biology, but Kanaya shushes you more and you fold your head into your arms again, making muffled angry grumbling noises into the sleeves of your sweater.

"Is that... who it appears to be?" Kanaya's voice asks a moment later, slightly breathless.

"I can smell a very familiar purple from him," Terezi snarls.

You lift your eyes, and as you see who they're referring to, your blood runs ice cold. You link hands tightly with Kanaya.

"I really would love it if he wouldn't notice us," you whisper.

"Then stop talking," Vriska sighs, rolling her eyes. "You're so loud. We need to be here though. Trust me!!!!!!!! I got you all through the game, didn't I?"

You say nothing, staring. "You most certainly did," Kanaya offers. _Not all,_ you think.

"Who is it?" Sollux grumbles. "Care to enlighten the blind guy?"

"It's Gamzee!" Aradia says cheerfully. "What was so bad about him again?"

"He killed all our friends!" Terezi explodes, while still maintaining a quiet voice. "He deserves no mercy."

"You exploded before that happened," Sollux supplies, looking up crossly from his screen.

"But the corpse pa-"

And before you even fucking know it, all hell breaks loose. The purpleblood on the other table you had been observing rises to go to the bathroom, his eyes dancing erratically from face to face around the restaurant. But as he nears your table he suddenly lunges at a nearby rustblood, and she screams as his long, sharp fangs sink deep into the flesh over her shoulder.

You raise your eyebrows and glance over at Kanaya, whose skin is starting to light up a little. You nudge her, and she dims again, but she's watching the bleeding dark red with hunger.

"I haven't had any of the wicked motherfucking slime for two motherfucking weeks, motherfucker," you hear Gamzee saying at the counter, using the word 'motherfucker' excessively even by his standards. The other purpleblood is slowly turning in his direction, his mouth dripping blood and his chest heaving.

The horror of what you suddenly can see happening causes every muscle in your body to coil tight as steel.

And it plays out exactly as you've imagined it.

The darker purpleblood lunges at Gamzee, grabbing onto his horns and biting into the flesh at the neck. Gamzee roars and slams his elbow into the other purpleblood, who groans and backs away. His finned moirail attempts to help him to his feet, but he shoves him away hard and rises.

Gamzee's clubs are out, whirling, and all six of the rest of you are standing on a chair, or a table, or the ground, weapons out.

"Gamzee!" You shout, and he turns at your loud voice.

"Hey," he says in a quiet tone, before screaming, "MOTHERFUCKING BEST FRIEND."

He lunges at you faster than you could expect, and Terezi intercepts him in front of you, thrusting her cane deep into his abdomen. He growls and slumps against it, only to stand back up once she draws it out. As Aradia freezes Gamzee in time, you turn your attention to the other highblood, who is clawing toward a yellowblooded girl cradling a bleeding arm to her chest.

The rustblood bitten earlier rises, suddenly, lunging for Vriska, who kicks her away and quickly rolls a number trapping her in a cage. "It's some virus, I think," Vriska says calmly. "It spreads faster in lowerbloods, maybe, probably?"

"Fantastic," you growl. "Trusting you was a _shitty_ idea. We need to get the fuck out of here."

You grab Sollux's hand and lead him to the door. Kanaya follows, and after a few seconds so do the rest. Aradia stays for a second longer. She's created a flickering pause over the entire shop, but it collapses as she's half way to the door and the two rampaging purplebloods run to her.

Terezi's at the door behind you, but she steps forward and into the restaurant again to slash at Gamzee, engaging him in tight combat. His eyes are dark orange. And it terrifies you. Memories. Horror. The other troll slashes at Aradia's head. She ducks a little, but it catches her forehead just above the left eye and she cries out softly before running toward the exit.

"AA?" Sollux mutters, turning slightly to her voice. Terezi screams in frustration as one of Gamzee's clubs catches her right leg, but then Vriska is there. A giant cerulean anvil materializes from her dice and falls over him. He's far from fatally wounded, but the anvil is large enough to effectively pin him to the ground.

"Where's Kanaya?" You mutter, realizing she isn't outside with you. Then you spot her in the lilac colored dress she'd worn that day, kneeling over Gamzee. Her chainsaw is to his throat, her teeth lodged in the curve where his shoulder meets his neck. "Kanaya!" You call, hesitantly stepping toward the restaurant, deeper inside of which chaos is exploding, and your fingers clench in a vice around your sickle. "We need to leave, come on."

She looks up, a faint white blush creeping to her cheeks as she hurriedly picks herself up and runs toward you. "Behind!" You warn, as a spring-green blooded troll reaches for her, but she smoothly turns, chainsaws the fucker, and meets you outside. You hug her tightly and quickly before turning on your heels and storming down the sidewalk to the left.

"What a perfect fucking idea," you mutter under your breath. "I'm never listening to you again, Vriska!"

She doesn't pay attention to your semantics, helping Terezi to balance with her left leg instead. Everyone ignores the screaming chaos behind you. Sollux's dexterous fingers are dancing around the cut on Aradia's forehead as you walk.

You sigh. You really wish Dave were here.

And you know Kanaya wishes for his sister equally as much. You exchange a glance with her. Both of you know.

The streets are oddly silent after the commotion in the restaurant. You wonder grimly where everyone is. There are some bodies piled up in the darkness of one alleyway, and indistinct growls coming from the shadows of another. You edge closer to the center of the road and grab Kanaya's hand tightly. You can't help your thoughts from dwelling on Gamzee. The feelings inside you are colliding with one another with intense ferocity and you can't focus on any single one. You had paled for him really hard. Some of the feelings are still there, if overshadowed by feelings for Kanaya.

You'd thought once the game ended that you'd never have to see him again. You'd settled into a routine of knowing what to expect, no matter how shitty and boring and lonely. You hate being in danger again. You'd never felt more safe in your life, except maybe with Dave sometimes.

And now. Everything is gone. The routine, the security.

There's a troll shopping center ahead. From here you can already tell the windows are all smashed, despite the waning twilight. Everyone slows as a blueblood stumbles out, heaving deep, shaky breaths. She reaches up, feeling the rich blood flowing from veins in her shoulder, before collapsing on the pavement.

"No," Vriska says. "No, no, no! Nononono, Okay, we're turning back. We need to go somewhere."

"I'm not fucking interested in being eaten alive by my own damn species, Vriska," you growl.

"Karkat does bring up a fair and well point," Kanaya reasons. "There is danger back where we came from."

"There's a lot more fucking danger ahead!" Vriska shouts. "We're turning back."

She turns left, changing into a different street before turning left once more, heading back the way you've come.

Terezi follows, limping. Sollux and Aradia kind of shrug and go after her. And there it is. Once again, you're the only sane person in your group, and no one listens to you.

"I'm going to die," you mumble, before you and Kanaya start after everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trolls!!!!!!! I love trolls. Like, really, I do. They have exuberant personalities and they're so fun to write, and add that to cool alien physiology and ideology and ahhh.
> 
> Some actual plotline shall be forming soon. Next chapter is drafted, just some minor editing to do and it'll be posted soon. These chapters are shorter from Born to Abide, Forced to Oppose, so I'll try to update..... maybe every two weeks? With some requested flexibility of course.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this guys!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update today. This is the last chapter from the ones that were drafted back when I first started working on this, and my writing has improved a lot since then so lol the writing style will change but I'm too lazy to go back and rewrite old chapters soooooooo yeah

It takes a few minutes more of walking, enough for you to feel as if you've passed the restaurant from earlier and gone past it, before Vriska turns into an alleyway. You follow her, glaring at your surroundings.

"Remind me again why we're following you," you complain.

"Karkat, it's cute and all, but you've picked up some really annoying habits from your ex boyfriend!" Vriska sighs. "Also, you were doing so well, but here you are, back to flirting with me. Can't a girl catch a break?"

"Vriska is our light player!" Aradia says brightly as you splutter. What of _her_ flirting?? And could she stop calling him your 'ex-boyfriend' when she _knows_ it never got that far? "We actually kind of have no choice."

"At least there's someone who seems to know where to go," Sollux mumbles, tripping briefly over a discarded bike. "I wish your lusus was here, TZ."

You turn incredulously to Kanaya. She smiles a little. "She's not wrong. You've adopted Dave's complaining habits almost entirely."

You can feel the heat rising to your cheeks. "And you've adopted Rose's snarky horseshit- oh, wait."

She smiles a little, but it's etched with the same sadness that laces every vein in your heart even now. You'd thought it would get easier with time, easier as you strengthened your pale relationship with Kanaya. But the two of you are grieving the same, and you can't fix your moirail if you are both broken by the same thing. So you sigh and bury your head into her shoulder as you walk, her arm coming up to squeeze you to her side. You don't normally sulk this much, but you feel that given the situation, it's excusable.

After some more walking through separate alleyways, Vriska stops near an old inn, one that's likely for sale judging by the lack of furniture inside. She seems frustrated.

"What's wrong?" Terezi asks her as you all sit on the floor, bored and tired and wishing your life didn't suck so much. At least, those are the thoughts going through _your_ head.

"I can't find the exact location of where we're supposed to go," she says, frustrated. "I've never felt this before. It's almost as if... I don't know, as if there's something shutting me out."

"Maybe you're tired. We all need to rest anyway," Terezi says.

"Sure thing. Let's see that leg."

"It's just a bruise..." You tune out their fussing and sigh at Kanaya. She smiles at you encouragingly.

-

It takes a while for everyone to fall asleep, but you've never been any good at it, so sometime in the middle of the night you quit trying, get up, and start walking around. You head downstairs and lean against the bar, eyes tracing the circular patterns on the wood. It sort of smells in here - obviously, the previous owner wasn't amazing at maintenance and upkeep. Your nose wrinkles.

After about fifteen or twenty minutes, you turn as you hear footsteps on the stairs. The faint white glow already informs you of who it is before she steps out from behind the wall hiding the stairs from view. She turns toward you and smiles. "Hello, Karkat," Kanaya greets.

"Sup," you offer half-heartedly. "I'm really not feeling this whole apocalypse shit."

"I'm really not either," she says, leaning on the bar next to you. "I miss our days spent on the meteor."

"Yeah, fuck," you agree, closing your eyes and pushing your elbows forward on the wood surface. Your fingers weave into your hair, your horns fitting not quite comfortably into the spaces between your ring and middle digits. "You and Rose really had a thing going."

"I would likely agree," Kanaya said. "You and Dave seemed to be very close as well."

"It was confusing as fuck," you sigh. So close. You had been _so fucking close_ to moving the relationship further.

"I know." And then you never saw him again.

"It was like one day, we were pale as hell, and then the next day, there would be all this flushed tension, because I can't seem to have a single fucking relationship ever without inanely flipping quadrants like a disoriented, mentally retarded smear of fucking hoofbeast manure. And some days, we wouldn't talk at all, just sort of make eye contact as we worked with the Mayor. It was a giant convoluted-ass fucking shitpile of a relationship. But... I miss him."

"If it would make you feel better, I'll point out that I have acted as your moirail quite consistently," Kanaya says gently. "I have sympathy for you. Rose and I had our own hiccups as well."

"Really?" Your eyebrows raise in speculation. "Like what? You always seemed as if you were the perfect, flawless pair."

"Oh, no." She shakes her head. "Her problematic involvement with the soporific liquids created quite a disruption, to start with. We had many communication issues. It was frustrating trying to dissuade her from jumping to conclusions and relating our quadrants to human relations that weren't quite so intimate, whenever I attempted to explain the nuances. We had different tastes in reading. And I certainly experienced frustration with her tendency to psychoanalyze all she could lay her eyes on while I preferred to simply enjoy something without picking it apart."

"Wow, okay," you say, blowing out a breath. "That sure is quite a list right there. Dave was pretty fucking frustrating too, though. I always got the feeling there was always all this shit bothering him that he would just never tell me, and of course at the same time he had the maddening fucking habit of voicing every asinine thought process fucking _live_ , and the hours and hours just spent listening to that asshole blathering on about dumb shit made me want to flog myself in turn with each and every one of the sweet mother grub's oozing vestigial sphincters. Uh, no offense."

"None taken, I suppose, considering she's been dead for quite some time," Kanaya says cordially.

"Yeah, that... wasn't how I'd imagined our race would propagate itself at all? I guess for us it's a moot point anyway, considering we're all conditionally immortal now. But. I mean... fucking weird."

"I suppose the new universe took the best aspects of both races. Humans had it better in that sense, seeing as had their civilization made it far enough as to achieve space colonization, they would not have had the need to centralize their youth and sole hope for avoiding extinction. We, of course, are more fitted to survival due to our hemaphroditic abilities."

"Yeah. This tangent got kind of weird. But in any case, he was pretty trying at times, but I definitely never wanted him to god damn _die_. I... fuck." You squeeze your eyes closed and grip your upper arms tightly. "It felt more right with him than with anyone else."

You'd done everything so carefully with him. One wrong move and he'd close off and avoid you, and you'd have to painstakingly rebuild that bridge. So you'd taken it slow, trying to coax him out from behind the walls of emotionlessness he would hide behind. You were ecstatic when you'd reached the point in your relationship where he was okay with being your moirail. But then... you'd wanted _more._

So. Fucking. _Close._ You'd promised yourself that after the fighting was over, you would finally, finally jump the gap and kiss that soft mouth. You'd wanted to so badly. It made you keep fighting, because you knew you just _couldn't_ die without pressing your lips against his at least once.

Now you'll never get the chance, because you tried your hardest but, lo and behold, the object of all your affections was taken from you at the last second. Never was it expected that Dave Strider, Knight of fucking Time, would be the one to die in the final battle.

"I know what you mean," Kanaya says, and you have to take a second to remember what it was you were talking about. "Overall I know Rose and I were in a strong relationship. It's still important to be strong and move on though, one day."

You stare blankly for a second, trying to shove away your heartache and make it seem as if maybe you're just thinking about her words.

"I know that look, Karkat. Karkat?" You look up at her.

"What?"

Her eyebrows draw together and upwards and you know she's about to say something that will be hard for you to accept. "I know you're still grieving. I know it's harder for you than anyone else. But after today, you must understand. If you lose focus like this in battle, it will mean your death."

I open my mouth to reply, but she keeps going.

"You may want to argue that you'll see him in death, at least, but I can not stand to see you perish at the hands of mindless enemies as a result of heartbreak. I've let you stay for several months, but Karkat..." She pauses. Her eyes grow even softer, her voice so quiet it's barely above a whisper. "Now is the time that you must finally let him go."

Your first reaction is anger. Let him go? You can't ever let him go. How could she think you could just _let him go_ , just like that? Then you sigh, contemplating her words.

"Karkat?"

"Yeah," you say abruptly, before she can try to say anything else in that stupid gentle fucking voice. "I get it. I understand you. You're right." You blink back tears as they start to prick at your eyes. "I'm moving on. Now." Which is a lie, you aren't, but you also can't allow your emotions to jeopardize your friends.

She senses your fragile tenseness and pulls you toward her chest. You don't respond at first, and then you suddenly throw your arms around her and bury your face into her neck, squeezing your eyes shut and your mouth into a thin line.

Kanaya clears her throat after several more minutes. "Pardon, and forgive me, but do you have any blood?" She says in a quietly hopeful voice.

"Kanaya, I fucking need blood to survive. So, yeah??? In my body. Outside of that, no, because that's gross, so no, definitely fucking not." You're still in a melancholy mood, but the change of topic makes it easier to converse. She did it on purpose, you know it. She knows you well enough to understand when you've reached your limits and can't talk about something anymore.

"I left my bottles at the hotel," she frowns.

"Oh." You pause. "Sorry, I guess."

Kanaya blinks up at you in a completely-not-innocent way.

"Oh, no, fuck no," you say, shaking your head. "Why don't you get it from one of the fuckers sleeping upstairs??"

"It would help you get some rest as well."

"I don't need your fucking rainbow drinker venom to fall asleep!"

She gazes at you hopefully. You draw out the heaviest sigh you've given in a long time. "Fine. The inane things you make me do for you."

Kanaya smiles and leans closer, wrapping her arms around your neck. You close your eyes and tilt your head to the side, bracing yourself. Tonight's the last night you'll allow yourself to think of Dave and what you almost were. You need to focus once more on the present.

There's a small prick at the base of your neck, and then nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what happens when I'm allowed to write while feeling sad and depressed and emotionally stressed (wow I should start freestyle rapping)

Months in the past...

The afterlife is not a thing. You've never believed in one, and maybe that's why you haven't seen one - or maybe, you dunno, maybe there is one and you just don't remember it. You remember _hurting_. You knew you couldn't do it all along - you shouldn't have been the one to fight Lord English. You're not capable enough. It's not going to work. Even if you have dumb Welsh powers or cue ball powers, you're not going to be able to defeat him.

And you're scared.

You're not sure where anyone else is anymore. You just know that this was unexpected and you need to keep it from disrupting the rest of the plan - so when you finally get in through his guard and pierce the flesh over his sternum, you can't help but feel accomplished. You push your sword deeper, and his roar erupts around you. The dying wail of a being who's destroyed so many universes, who's cracked reality itself. Lord English has finally met his end at your hands.

You feel no pride. You never wanted to kill - but you've completed your mission and now everyone else can rest easier knowing the biggest threat has been eliminated.

But he doesn't die. Not right away, anyway.

You look up, your eyes skimming over his green hulking body, to meet the flickering pool balls in his eye sockets. He steps forward, into the sword, taking it into himself, and confusion mixed with horror enters your veins. His jaw unhinges, and light blasts out.

It's slow. You'd thought it would be fast, but it's slow. You can feel your skin burning, and it hurts, God, it hurts so bad. You want to scream because you've reached the end and you can't take anymore, but you think your vocal chords must have vaporized already because you can't seem to even breathe. Everything is too oppressively hot. You swallow, to make sure your throat is still there, and the movement brings so much unimaginable pain that you wish it _had_ been vaporized.

And even still, the blast is weak because - because you're still alive, or maybe that's just how paradox space wants it to be because it seems to enjoy handing you the worst card in the deck. Who gets the abusive guardian and tragic backstory? You. Who gets the god tier title he never wanted? You. Who gets the hardest villain? You. Who gets to come so close to death only to be just conscious enough to feel his flesh writhing and burning in weird rainbow fire? You.

It's odd though, because you're certain you've been here before. The force of impact as you collide with ground rattles your bones, breaking several, it feels like. Why aren't you dead yet? Why can't you just _die_ and get it over with? You remember this place. Your drying eyes trail the deep jade green bark of branches stretching into the darkness. You were here once with an old friend you'd hoped would one day be a lover.

Something bright in the sky is hurtling towards you. It's Lord English, falling. You can't move. You can't fight. He's going to land, a fiery gay rainbow comet, and your misery will finally, _finally_ end.

This is heroic. And it feels like shit.

It can't get any worse than this - and then it does. This time you're here with a new friend you'd.... Well, you'd _considered_ the possibility of being a lover to. You don't realize he's here until grey skin and tousled black hair wafts into your vision, a picture of fear and horror and grief painted in the features of his handsome face.

You want to grin at him, you want to make a dirty joke or offer him a fist bump. You want to pop up your thumb to assure him it's all going well, but you. Can't. Move. You can't breathe. You're lost in a world of agony and you can't hide it like you want to. His expression twists your heart, and that's the moment all doubt _finally_ goes away, that's the moment you know for sure that you want to press your body against him and connect your lips to his.

And suddenly you're filled with remorse and regret that you hadn't done it before. You had three. Damn. Years. You had three years and you couldn't get over the dumbest concept in the world, and now that everything's all gone to shit, _now_ you admit to yourself that you love him. You're one hundred percent flushed for him and your timing could not be worse - you've had time on your side in everything except this.

Karkat's yelling your name and tears are streaming down his face and, God, don't cry. You don't want him to cry. You try to smile, and you think your mouth quirks up at the corner - only as soon as you manage this his face breaks and he collapses into Kanaya's arms. She's crying as she pulls him away from you, glancing skyward and trying to drag Karkat away from danger. Your eyes shift again to see - and, God, English is close and Karkat needs to get out. _Don't worry about me. I'll be fine._

Heat detonates everywhere again, stronger than the last time and ripping your fibers apart.

-

Warmth, the pleasant kind, is what you wake to. It's a strange warmth, cold and hot at the same time as it soothes every burn and repairs every nerve. The next feeling you're aware of is an extreme _itchiness_. You want to claw at everything in your body, and it's driving you mad.

Then, you can taste. The taste of blood is - not in your mouth, because you're not even sure where your mouth _is_. But you can taste sharp metallic blood and it doesn't bring back any good memories. You can smell it, too, now; it doesn't do anything to ease you. The feeling of cool warmth still wraps you though, and you let yourself melt into it.

You regain your auditory senses next. There's nothing specific to hear, but you can hear... You can just hear. You know that if anyone was making noise, you would be able to hear it. Slowly, it sharpens, until you can make out soft, light breaths. So someone is here, then.

The itchiness fades gradually, slowly, until there's just a warm, pleasant, comforting feeling coursing through your veins. It's almost cozy.

Strength suddenly blossoms in every muscle, every joint, and your chest fills with glorious air. Your eyes fly open as you gasp in huge lungfuls of it, wildly looking around as you sit bolt upright. You slowly put your hands in front of your face, breathing fast and hard and moving your fingers to make sure you're really alive.

When you lower them, your eyes focus on a girl in front of you with black hair cropped short and a light taupe colored outfit. She's got oval glasses and bright cyan eyes, facial features that strikingly resemble Jade's, a sweet smile, and - okay. You can't deny it, a great pair of breasts.

You guess you're back to normal.

"Dave, right?" she says warmly, smiling kindly at you and standing to offer you a hand. Her voice is oddly croaky. "I have to say, I was worried I wouldn't be able to help you. Can't revive someone if they don't have a body, right? I was scared you may not be whole enough for me to try, but, well, I managed, and you won't believe how happy I am to see you alive and well."

You take her hand. "Thanks," you say in the most genuine voice you've ever used. "Jane..?" You make a very conscious effort not to slip up and refer to her as John's hot mom or anything that may suggest so.

She shakes your hand before letting go. "It's a pleasure to speak with you face to face! Come on, dear, I can't wait to see everyone's faces when they realize we're both alive and well!"

You furrow your brows, locating your shades on the charred ground. They're blackened more than usual and dirty, but still workable. "Both of us?"

Her face grows into one of reluctance. "Yes. I'm afraid Her Imperious Condescension managed to temporarily put me out of battle, and our friends may have assumed I was dead..." Jane pulls down the neck of her god tier to reveal a purple bruise encircling her throat. It explains the state of her voice.

You wince and step forward, folding away the cloth and gazing at the dark flesh. You run one fingertip under her jaw. "It doesn't hurt?"

Her mouth turns up smoothly at the corners. "Your touching kindness reminds me of my good friend Roxy." The comment is oddly comforting. You like Roxy, a lot, and from what it seems, so does everyone else. "It does, but it's not so bad. It's better this way, anyway, because I've already died once before and don't want to be banished as a ghost permanently to the furthest ring!" She laughs a little, and you smile internally. She's full of warmth, this girl.

She takes your hand and leads the way to the metal disk below Skaia, because frankly you're still rather disoriented and the world around you is shifting a little with every movement.

There's a white house symbol on the disk now, and the two of you arrive just in time to see a quick flash of bright light. Skaia is different, a giant shimmering orb of light and power with a huge-ass fucking frog in the middle.

None of the trolls are here. Everyone turns at your arrival, and for a moment you're just met with blank stares of varying amounts of shock. And then everyone is rushing to you to hug you.

First is Jade. She zooms toward you and you nearly topple off the disk as she collides with you. She's crying.

"Dave, we all thought you were dead! And with Jane dead _too_ there was no way to bring you back and-" she sniffles, and you bring up a hand to weave through her hair.

"Nah, you didn't need to worry about me, Harley," you mutter. John hugs you next, and _he's_ crying a little bit _too_.

"Don't do that to us, Dave! Jeez," he says, drawing out the last word. You laugh a little bit through your nose and glance over at Jane, who's being smothered by Roxy. When John and Jade finally let go, you meet eyes with Rose. You give her the 'sup' nod, and she breaks into a smile and wraps her arms briefly around your shoulders.

Roxy leaps on to you next, as Dirk and Jake hug Jane in turn, and Roxy's hugs are tight and warm and snug. She looks up at you, eyes sparkling.

"If you left us, D-Strides, I'd never forgive you," she promises. You actually grin at that.

"Can't risk that, mom," you respond, and she gives a laugh and squeezes you again.

Dirk hugs you too, and it's not nearly as awkward this time. You do the bro pat before pulling away, and once happy reunions are over you finally dare to ask the question that's been bugging you.

"Where are Karkat and the others?" you wonder nonchalantly. John grins.

"I let them go first," he explains. "Seemed only fair, seeing as they won this game before already, so we all thought they deserved to enter the universe before us. They're waiting on the other side! We should go meet them. I'm sure everyone will be glad that you're both okay!"

You nod in agreement, and John steps toward the light streaming from the open door in the giant white house.

You're going to find Karkat and you're going to fucking kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you must know, I legit had like writers block of the fucking thirtieth circle of hell for the past like ninety years so I'm trying I"m really trying agkwhgkwgawg thanks if you're reading this omg you readers mean so much to me I love you so much you have no idea

John is so fucking blunt and outright with so many things, it's ridiculous. He seems to forget that you don't really sleep, and he gazes at you for what feels like twenty years before he finally slips off his glasses and closes his eyes. You stare right back into his deep blue irises through your shades, although he can't really tell, of course. You're pretty sure if he knew you were awake and returning the eye contact, he'd move as far from you as possible.

You feel really, really, really terrible. You were projecting onto him. John'd made it very clear that he wasn't gay, and then you'd kissed him. What kind of an asshole did that to his best bro? And why? Because you were romantically frustrated and decided it would be a good idea to mack on your childhood friend. You're surprised John tolerates you as much as he still does.

The only good thing that came out of it? At least now you know how it'd have gone if you'd kissed _Karkat._ John at least has both the maturity and the decency to remain by your side, as well as you guess no other choice, despite the fact that the awkward flows thick between you two like frozen jello. Karkat? Oh, you can imagine how that would go over. The guy doesn't really have any concept of sexuality and what it means to humans, but if you kissed him he'd... throw a shit fit and avoid you and probably make you want to reverse all your life choices that ever led up to you meeting him. And yet, you know you'd never _really_ feel that way, because meeting Karkat is the best thing that's ever happened to you in your shitty, miserable excuse of a life.

Right. Keeping a firm handle on the crippling depression. You're working on it.

After a few hours you get off the couch and walk softly over to where Jade is sitting. Her ears twitch to acknowledge you, and you take a seat close enough to her for your sides to squeeze together. You don't know if it's the dog blood running through her veins or what, but she's always so fucking warm. You want to keep her close like your own personal heater, always on its hottest setting because _damn_ -

Right. Also keeping a firm handle on the coming onto your best friends. You're working on that too.

If you really think about it, you aren't even _attracted_ to either of them. They're just... the only option, and you're honestly just kind of searching for something, _anything_ to keep your mind off Karkat and the high probability that he's... that he's not...

Yeah. Ok.

And, well, Jade likes you, which you really feel pretty guilty about, but it still messes with the teenage-boy part of your brain. You're really sorry but also kind of not.

The doors thud and rattle against the table. You and Jade both turn to watch for any signs that they're getting inside, melancholy as the fucking blue of the rain on Veteran's day. Yeah. Karkat's love movies have kind of rubbed off on you and now your analogies all sound like cheesy romcom shit. God damn it.

"We'll make it through, you know?" Jade mumbles, resting her head on your shoulder. You bring an arm up to support her. Her voice sounds dead tired.

"Obviously," you say. "Zombies ain't got shit on our powers. They can scratch against the doors all day and all night long. We've got a space dog that can enlarge shit. Infinite AJ. We're fucking set."

Jade laughs a little and you pull her tightly against your side. "I don't know when it'll be over, but we're certainly going to outlast whatever's happening. Nothing is incurable, and if it is incurable then it's treatable. Rose and I were talking while we were filling up the water, you know, there's something really strange about how this stuff is happening! How it spread so fast at the mall but so much slower at the restaurant... it's like the more people get infected, the less the efficiency is, as if the virus between all its hosts is all connected and operating as one being, and as if too many people is overloading it..." She yawns really big, her pointy canine teeth glinting in the moonlight that's coming in from one removed board.

You think about what she said, and then you suddenly don't care. "However slowly it's spreading, it's not even like it even fucking matters anyway. At the end of the day, we're going to become one of them, and then if it takes six seconds or twelve years to overcome us, the point is it's going to happen. The point is this is a losing fucking battle. I'm not... I'm really not fucking excited about any of this shit and sure as hell am not jumping to solve any bullshit mystery. Cam Jansen can do her shit with the clicky camera and meanwhile I'll be here doing my shit with the slashy sword, and guess who's more satisfied with their decision at the end of the day - certainly not cute little Nancy Drew with her rational conclusions and new understandings, but me because I'm fucking dead and the zombies can eat my pure uninfected body because at least I died on my own terms and not as a result of this sick fucking manmade disease - hey."

Jade is sleeping on your shoulders, her mouth open and her limp weight tugging down your left shoulder. Her hair teases against your jacket zipper, ears drooping and the tiny fluff near the bases of them waving around in a breeze indiscernible to you. You let out a long sigh and stare at nothing. You'll keep watch for the rest of the night, you guess.

-

You stroll forward, deep in thought. You try to avoid it, generally, but you're wondering about what will happen when you finally meet up again in the new session. John and Jade and you will obviously be friends still, but Jade... oh, man, Jade. You _know_ there's going to be some kind of difficulty with her. You think you kind of had something special with her, and, of course, she's got bird dave to keep her company - but even so, you haven't seen her in three years and the last time you did see her was when she shot you through the Jack and made out with your gruesome corpse. You have no idea what's going to happen when you see her, except that your relationship sure as hell ain't picking up right where it left off, especially not with you and Karkat like...

Well, what are you and Karkat exactly? Bros, that's just the word that automatically comes to your mind but also you and TZ are bros but you certainly don't spend nearly as much time with her and neither do you feel the same way about her. Karkat's just... different. Fucking annoying as all hell, but really a good friend. Except somehow, no matter how you describe him, no matter how many compliment-insult couples you assign to him in your head, it always feels inadequate to describe exactly what he is to you.

You decide you just won't think about it, as you step forward onto the transportalizer. The white flash clears and you find karkat himself sitting on the couch alone, tapping away on his weird crab computer. He looks up to acknowledge you and shifts his position so you can't see the screen before continuing on with whatever he's doing. Whatever. It's probably not important anyway.

Something dawns on you then as you glance toward the dining table and find your old room instead.

You kind of really hate that you still dream in the bubbles. This Karkat seems to be alive - meaning he's probably doomed, he's probably gonna disappear and reappear in another bubble any moment now, without pupils. You haven't run into _your_ Karkat yet. You decide you just won't think about that either. "Sup," you say halfheartedly.

"Sup," he responds. God. This one has been talking to a you, hasn't he? "Thought you'd be here," he says glumly, not taking his eyes off the screen. "Given the tangled monstrosity of cords and mess that has tyrannically seized control over the space that was once our beloved dining table. You will be missed, mahogany queen. Now we have to eat food in his fuckesty's disgusting junkring of a block."

"Alpha Dave Strider, at your service," you say, saluting him with two fingers. God, you missed his ranting so much, although you do talk to dead Karkats every so often. He cocks an eyebrow without looking up at you still. "You don't sound too happy to see me. I thought I deserved some more respect than that. Wait, we don't hate each other in your timeline, do we?"

He's stopped typing, and you can tell he's suddenly tensed up - as in, more than usual. He inhales deeply and leans back against the couch, propping up his elbows on either side to appraise you up and down as you talk. There are two puncture marks at the base of his neck, vibrant red with the color of his blood. "Alpha Dave Strider," he scoffs to interrupt you, something so bitter in his voice it hits your gut like a derailed bullet train, careening straight into your soul and leaving a trail of disaster. You can't describe how you're feeling. You fall silent.

Then you start to wonder if maybe his words have changed your entire mood because this Karkat has started getting a handle on his god tier powers. Is he still playing the game?? No, then he wouldn't be remembering this meteor. The trolls got here only after they'd finished. Judging from the different Karkats you've met through the bubbles, blood powers are... dangerous. Unpredictable. They're rather underrated. They could probably control an entire society if someone was powerful enough. They're scary powers.

"You're not alpha for shit," he snarls. He sets his computer aside and stands, stalking forward. "You may be the time player and will probably feel justified in ignoring my words, but sorry to break it to you, but not sorry, but alpha you is fucking dead." His voice. His god damn voice. You want to get away from him. You want him to forget you. What the hell??

You furrow your brow. "No, dude." He doesn't let you finish.

"Leave," he snarls. "I don't want to see your fucking face ever again! It's repulsive. And what the fuck are you wearing??"

You glance down at yourself. You're not wearing anything unusual, just a dark red hoodie over your normal shirt and dark blue jeans with it.

"No, never mind, I forgot about the whole nonexistence of the wear-only-your-blood-color-and-neutrals norm in your dumbfuck society." You don't understand, really, you don't. His words are repelling you. You can feel yourself stepping back, half turning away. This is ridiculous. You're god tier, he's not.

"Dude," you mutter. "We did it. We won the game. You're not alpha."

"Shut up! I can't hear you. Just get out. I can't stand to look at you anymore. You _died._ "

And then you can place it, you suddenly figure out what that strong, unbearable emotion in his voice is. It's grief. Knowing this helps you combat the compulsion to leave, and you watch him for a while. His eyes are a little pink. He's crying. Ah, shit.

"Hey, man," you mutter, holding up your hand for a highfive. He crosses his arms, so you drop your hand down to his shoulder and pat it a few times, offering the most awkward comfort. "Live out the rest of your life, don't do anything stupid." You start to walk past him.

"This, coming from you?"

"I never do anything stupid. Wait, no, I take that back, I talk to Rose sometimes, I guess that's pretty dumb of me." You turn around, and then your shoulders droop because the scenery has changed to a six-pillar frog temple, and he's not here anymore. Meeting Karkat, the wrong Karkat, over and over again has been more painful than it would have been if you'd just never had to see him again. It always just leaves you more lost than ever before. You close your eyes. Maybe you'll wake up soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks if you're reading this!! Sorry, I'm stressed out and just indulging in davekat for now.. But I'll get back to zombies in the next chapter, hopefully. If it wasn't clear, both Dave and Karkat at the end are part of the zombiestuck alpha timeline.


	8. Day Two

Day two! Jade Harley.

Jade what are you doing?

I'm recording, of course! So! Nothing much has changed really. I just felt like we should have a day two update. We'll keep this one brief and update whenever something new happens, but for now we're all safe.

A word about the virus though - it spreads slower, a lot slower, the longer it goes around spreading from person to person. Like too many hosts slow it down, like all the individual strains of virus are all part of one... Being. Kind of strange to think about! I'm not sure what it means. But we'll record any extra information over here. Bye!!

Bye, future us. Assuming there are any.

Dave, don't be so depressing, jeez.

He can't helf it.

Yeah.

Wow, that was really dark for like no reason at all.

Recorded 7:56 a.m. 4/7/13

John Egbert. Today's my birthday, I just remembered. God, everything terrible always happens on my birthday. Kinda tragic. My shoulder really hurts.

John why are you taking up memory space?

Dave, why are you taking up breathing space?

I take offense to that.

Good.

The two of you, quit it.

Yes, mom.

What?

Don't look at me like that, you're freaking me out.

Jade, if you would kindly nove Strider and I outside the wuilding until 9:00.

Listening to you trying to talk is the fucking highlight of this apocalypse.

Why??

'Lease.

Wait, you're serious??

Okay... Please don't hurt yourselves.

Wait what the fu

Recorded 5:03 p.m. 4/7/13

They got me a cake.

They also got themselves more injuries.

Argh, this is so fucking stupid.

Recorded 9:14 p.m. 4/7/13


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Lots of updates recently lol, it's me stress writing. This is still something without a solid plan for the future plot, so it's something I can easily work on when I have time. Hope you're enjoying it. :)

It takes you like two thousand years to get KK's sleeping ass off the bar. Eventually you settle on jabbing two fingers into what's hopefully his side, and he's up and spouting incoherent curse words with no sentence structure. You honestly like him better this way, when he's more like he used to be when you were friends on Alternia, instead of moping over his dead boyfriend. Honestly, you're pretty sure there are plenty of ghosts running around in the bubbles he can screw around with whenever he wants to. He has this weird alpha-Dave complex though, and just... Whatever. It's not like you care _that_ much, anyway.

"Vriska said she'd be back by now," AA sighs. "I'm not sure what we're supposed to do. We can't stay here forever. We need food." The door rattles again. Zombies have been trying to get in for the past two hours.

"Vriska? Where the fuck is she?" KK growls. You turn to where his grumbling is coming from.

"She left early this morning with Terezi."

"Sollux saw them," AA provides.

"Yeah, they said they'd be back by late morning," you recall. "But they're not. And they wouldn't take me with them, because I'm blind, I'm fucking blind, so, no, I didn't _see_ them."

"So, pissy mood it is today," Karkat decides. "I was wondering why you were acting so normal. You were starting to worry me." You flip him off, which probably just confirms that you're not feeling cheerful in the least right now, but you give absolutely zero shits. And you're not taking any of his, either.

"Fuck off and die, KK, there isn't even any wifi, any reasonable person would be feeling suicidal right now. AA, don't overexert yourself, we should just head out."

"It's fine!" she says cheerfully, although of course as an ex-psionic you know she's tired. Fuck you, Eridan. You really hate not being able to see, not being able to use your mind like you once used to. It fucking hurts. _Kismesissitude over, that's what you get for literally destroying your hatemate, fishbag._ Also he's dead. That tends to make it difficult to maintain a good relationship, too. God, you hate him so much. You hate _everyone_ so much. You hate this entire situation. You hate your entire life.

"Why are you all looking at me??" you hear KK say.

"You're the logical person to look to next for instruction," Kanaya says lightly. "Aradia can't hold the door indefinitely, and with Vriska gone, they seem to have somehow caught on to where we are. What's next, leader?"

You sigh internally, waiting for KK to bluster up and start his self-deprecating speech about how he isn't a leader all over again, why can't he just chill out sometimes, seriously, he's always so uptight. Always either tense or depressed with that guy nowadays. At least you still know how to have a little _fun_ every now and then. You haven't played a good game with him in perigrees. There's silence for a bit, and then KK draws in a breath.

"Alright. Get anything you need to pack, which I guess is fucking nothing, drink water or some shit, and then we're breaking through these zombies. I don't know where Vriska is, but we need to find somewhere safely away from these psychos. If Terezi's gone, we're down a fighter, Sollux I'm sorry but you're basically fucking helpless, and I pretty much am too but at least I can see, so Aradia, fly Sollux up to the roof or whatever, and Kanaya and I are going through this here marvelous front door. Cool?"

He.

He just.

You laugh a little as someone briefly runs the tap. "Nice to see you back in action, but seriously, cool it with the Striderian rambling."

Karkat yells something at you, but you've learned to filter out his streams of defensive swearing sweeps ago. AA's smooth, small hand finds your fingers and you grasp it tightly. "We leave now, then?" she says, because there really isn't anything left to attend to so the next order of business is to get the hell out of here.

"Yeah, I guess so," KK says quietly. "We're going to fucking survive this. Let's go." You listen to the sound of metal and machinery as Kanaya and KK get ready, and AA pulls you closer, wrapping two arms around your waist. Two days ago she was telling you you've gotten thinner. Which is kind of really, really tragic. You grasp her shoulders.

The door bangs open, and you're lifted off the ground as AA zooms forward, soaring into the sky. You remember how Alternia used to look from your hive stem window, or from whenever you'd go flying to feel like you were standing among the stars. AA and you used to go flying together sometimes, before everything. At least you still have her. As the feeling of weightlessness tugs at your stomach, and you breathe in fresh air, you feel suddenly at ease. You suppose you're also feeling a lot better after seeing KK leading again. He's been so down lately, and it's fucking _annoying._ You land on the roof and Aradia sits you down at the edge, presumably as she watches to make sure your other two friends are doing well. You hope the zombies don't know how to climb stairs. But who cares, you're feeling good right now.

"Wait," AA gasps in your ear after a few minutes of silence.

"What? What is it?" You feel the air shift as she leans forward. Then she pulls you close and you're flying down to the ground.

"It's Kanaya."

???????

This is a shock to you. Kanaya is _already undead_. KK's the one who's the most at stake in this situation, or so you thought. Maybe it's what Kanaya thought as well. Maybe Kanaya put herself at risk - but she wouldn't do that. She's a strong fighter, she's way too smart. "I don't get it!" AA says. "They were free. There were only six zombies, Karkat and Kanaya made it through them quickly, Kanaya was just drinking and then she dropped it and turned around and she bit Karkat." AA sounds panicked.

"Shit," you breathe. "They're both..? Then why are we going back??"

"Because Karkat's fine! He doesn't even seem affected, and he was just talking to Kanaya normally but then she attacked him and now he's fighting!" Your feet slam into the ground as soon as the sentence ends, and you stumble a little because AA is suddenly gone from your side.

"Hey!" you shout.

Someone snarls.

"Go!" AA yells. "I'm god tier. Go! I'll find you." Um, go where????

"Why don't you just freeze her in time??" KK says. There's panic in his voice like you haven't heard since SGRUB.

"She's a rainbow drinker, she's a mythical creature, I can't! Karkat, just go! Run! Run straight, hide in a building, I'll find you!"

"AA what are you _doing?_ " you say desperately. This is such a terrible idea. This is such a revulsive shitstain of an idea. You've effectively split yourselves up into three different groups. How are all your friends so stupid?? You're going to break something. If only you still had your FUCKING PSIONICS. KK grabs your hand, and the handle of his sickle abrades against your skin. He pulls you to the right, and you're stumbling and sprinting after him. You used to be able to run faster than him, back when you could fucking see.

She did say she'd find you. You have confidence in AA. She's capable. You're still confused about Kanaya, but that'll probably sort itself out too. You have hope. You know, because ED isn't here to destroy it.

Karkat drags you into some other building. You hear wood splintering and then suddenly you're tripping up a couple stairs, and then something slams shut and the air is more still. And then you can hear him crying.

"This is it! We are fucking screwed. I took charge for a grand total of twenty minutes and I got everyone killed, fucking _again._ Haha, wow, I fucked up! Ha! I bet paradox space is having a great laugh, or else facepalming, because I'm probably not even worth enough to be turned into a joke. I should have learned my lesson the first time. I'm not _fucking_ cut out for this." He sobs, and you can hear him sliding down to the ground. You huff out a breath. Good mood officially gone. "Every time I try to set things right, more people just die."

You step forward, not realizing how heavy your footsteps are until you hear their thunder against the wooden floorboards. You bend down, reaching for him, finding his nose, and then his shoulders, before you have the right position to fist your hands in his thin shirt. You ignore your surprise at this. You've never seen him in anything other than a sweater. Another reason to despise Eridan for blinding you. You yank him upward, your mouth twisting into a sneer.

"You listen to me, you pathetic little shit," you breathe in his face. He hangs limply from your hands, holding your wrists but not trying to pry you away. "You're cut out for this. You're great at this. You can't take responsibility for every death unless until you've actually killed someone. Out of all of us, the only one who's done that is Kanaya, your own damn palemate. Look to her, she's doing fine."

"Fuck you, Sollux, I-"

"Shut up, KK." He sniffs a little, which sounds kind of gross, but he needs to snap the fuck out of it. "No one has died. Vriska left because she's egoistic, Terezi followed because she supports her, Kanaya's clearly alive, ish, if acting a little strange, and AA stayed behind to risk herself _for you._ You're going to honor that by moaning about how you're not good enough? You led us through our first session-"

"Only to get stopped by something I indirectly created anyway!" he chokes out.

"Don't interrupt me, asshole!" you snarl. "Vriska created Jack, anyway. Stop blaming yourself! It's pathetic, and annoying, and _nothing like you._ I know you better than that, mate." There. You said the word "mate". That should get something through to him.

He crumples against you, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing like you're about to disappear. "I'm so sorry," he whispers.

"You cheesy fuck," you mutter, reaching up to thump his back. He's gotten thinner too - or maybe it's just the damn shirt. Or maybe AA's just made you way too self-conscious. 

The one thing you notice, at this moment, is how he hasn't mentioned Dave all day. He's breaking down right now, but he's also gotten stronger. You sigh through your nose. All the six of you carry too much of a burden. But he's still your best friend. And you're going to make it through this, damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sollux is so underappreciated and so is his friendship with Karkat,, I,, love them s,o mu,c,h,, ,


	10. Chapter 10

You're pretty sure you're on the verge of figuring this out. There's something definitely off about what's going on. If the centuries and centuries' worth of history and old news articles you've read over the course of your lifetime are anything to go on, there are a variety of things that could ever make this possible, but not all of them fit. You can't say that the bodies are controlled by any kind of parasite, not for certain - it would be too complex, and the incubation time should be the same. You've always been skeptical of any plant life theories, but you've evaluated the possibility nonetheless and ruled it out.

Theoretically, the seed would have to germinate after its transmission to a new host through saliva. The same with any animal egg or larva. Of course, human saliva offers a wide range of possibility for such things, but that doesn't explain why you've seen people take such largely varying amounts of time to turn. So you can't say that there's any extraterrestrial, living force that's causing this to happen. Actually, you're not going to use extraterrestrial as a description, you'll just say that you're pretty sure this isn't caused by anything biological. Aliens are a little bit of a sensitive topic among you four.

Another possibility: it's some kind of pathogen. Maybe it's several different strains of the same virus or bacteria, and different immune systems are better at fighting it off than others. It's still pretty far fetched, but it kind of makes sense. The sickness would transmit through direct infiltration of the bloodstream through saliva, since human canines don't carry any fluid. You don't know how it's possible for any bacteria or virus to completely control another organism, rather than just use it to feed off of and reproduce. But it's the only option that makes sense to you, honestly.

"Dirk Strider!" someone yells in your ear. You blink and turn, reaching up to rub at it.

"What?"

"He lives!" Roxy crows. "I've said your name around thirty times already, dude. Where are you?"

"I'm just thinking."

"Well, stop that, you're going to end up coming to some dumb conclusion. We were just talking about... Damn it, what the fuck were we talking about, Jane?"

"I don't remember," Jane muses. "Dirk, you spaced out for a good twenty minutes. We thought we might have to make sure you weren't a zombie already!"

"No." You frown. "I'm fine. Jake..?" Jake's been too silent recently. "How's that leg faring?" He turns to focus on you, some deep thoughts growing smaller and smaller in his rich green eyes. His face is gaunt.

"I'll live, nothing to worry about, chap," he laughs shakily. A zombie had latched itself to his calf with its teeth earlier. You'd sliced away a good chunk of Jake's flesh without hesitating. You feel kind of bad about that - obviously, it hurt a lot, and thanks to that Jake can't even walk anymore, but none of them seem to be blaming you. Jake probably would be lost to you if you hadn't acted so quickly.

Jane grips your shoulder. "Stop feeling bad - I know you're feeling bad about it."

Roxy slaps your other shoulder. "Get over it, don't worry. We all know you had no choice, you know."

Someone breaks into harsh laughter. "Not entirely sure what you're talking about, but it's fun to see you're not - zombies!" The voice comes from the door to the abandoned restaurant you're currently occupying. She says the word 'zombies' the way someone might say 'boo!' You turn around, surprised to hear a voice outside those of your friends that isn't just moaning and groaning in a dead, zombie-like manner. Two girls stand confidently in the door. The shorter one has spoken, and the taller one stands with a smug expression, light blue wings fluttering behind her. The shorter one's leaning on her, dried teal blood obscuring the gray skin of her legs from view.

You smile and let out a slight laugh through your nose. "Sup, Terezi." You'd held the fort by her side while Dave'd flown off to engage the early-arrival Lord Dicklish. The other one you're fairly sure is none other than Vriska Serket - you only saw her briefly on the lilypad.

"Yo, it's you!! You're cool. Never thought we'd see you again!" Roxy beams, jumping up to greet them.

"Are you the only trolls?" Jake asks.

"Nope," Terezi says cheerfully. "Five more of us are here too. We're heading back that way now. Come on."

You blink. Suddenly two troll girls show up, asking you to accompany them. Not that you're having trouble keeping up with the turning of events, but it's quite sudden and unexpected. You suppose you'll go with, just for lack of anything better to do or anywhere better to be. "All right. Company is always nice," you comment, lifting yourself off the seat as Jane helps Jake.

Vriska lets out a long, over dramatic sigh. "Still being lame, Joke?" she huffs.

Jake's eyes flash. "I'm not sure I'm the one you should be asking that question to." Damn. It took him a good three months before he built up his confidence again, and once it was back he became way more savage than he ever was before.

"Get rekt lmao," Roxy snickers before leaning against the doorframe.

"Anyway, you four are not whom I was looking for," Vriska says slowly. "It's great that you're all alive, but I was wondering if you've seen John and his group."

"John?" Jane checks. "John Egbert?"

"Duh." Vriska rolls her eyes. "How many dark blue eyed Nic Cage obsessed nerds are there walking this planet? So, have you seen them?"

"Sorry, but no," you answer. "We'd have definitely stuck with them if we'd seen them. They're here too? How do you know?"

"I can see them, kind of," Terezi says. "I can see John and Jade. Dave and Rose are veiled by something. Or rather, not veiled, but like they're skirting among shadows in my vision on purpose."

"There was something here I was drawn to," Vriska says. "I didn't realize what it was until Terezi and I scouted out alone. But I'm positive they're here. Just, maybe a bit more back toward downtown."

"Hours," Jake says feebly.

"I'll carry you," you offer in all seriousness, although Terezi seems to find this funny.

"I don't really understand your God-tier talk, but I can get us a car," Roxy suggests.

"Brilliant!" Vriska smiles. "You're a great void player, Roxy. Get anything you need! We're heading back. I've got to make sure no one got themselves killed in my absence."

Roxy pushes past them and out the door, standing outside and staring hard at the road. You move to join her, and when you're halfway there a fairly generic car appears. She's gotten so good. You hope you haven't gotten better at destroying shit. You were already pretty stellar at it to begin with.

"Shotgun," Terezi howls. You're surprised she even knows about the term - it certainly took you a while to understand it, but it also has been a year since the game.

-

Vriska drives like a fucking maniac. You shout at her several times over the course of your half hour journey back to wherever, and Jake almost throws up you think twice. The poor kid is having a shitty time. The car breaks down like four times, and Roxy just makes more.

You all draw to a stop near some abandoned bar, which has the doors splintered and thrown against the floor. The angle suggests they were pushed in from outside. "Well, it's not like we could have expected them to stay put for the whole day," Terezi sighs, shrugging. "Time to find them."

"Are you still seeing Jade and John?" Vriska checks.

"Bits and pieces," Terezi supplies.

"Someone's nearby," Jane murmurs urgently. "A zombie, I'd think, but this is kind of different..."

"Where?" Vriska asks, turning to face Jane fully.

"I'll take you there." Jane gets out of the car as soon as Vriska turns off the ignition, who follows after her with Terezi. Jake shakes his head when Jane offers him her hand, indicating that he'd rather stay. Roxy stands but then motions for you to follow the troll girls and Jane, as she takes her seat again to give Jake company. You wave to them before turning to follow.

Jane steps around the building and walks down an alleyway with a door at the end. She smoothly swings it open but steps inside cautiously. As your eyes adjust to the dim lighting, you make out a small living space, with... Kanaya Maryam tied to an armchair with a lasso. Who the hell carries around a lasso? You start to move forward to help her, wondering who on the planet wanted to and managed to subdue her, but Vriska elbows you back.

"Maryam," she says, loudly and deliberately. Kanaya just watches you, eyes glowing in the darkness. It sets you on edge. Somethings not right here - on a different level than what you've been dealing with since yesterday.

"Kanaya, are you okay?" Jane says. Then, quietly, she murmurs, "she's not herself. That's not Kanaya."

"Who is it, then?" You ask bluntly.

"Where's Aradia?" Vriska probes, narrowing her eyes. Kanaya doesn't move or otherwise show any sign of having heard the question. She sits there, her eyes glimmering in the dark. Vriska pauses, and then cuts the lasso.

Kanaya springs up and stands stock still for a second, before nodding in your direction and smiling maliciously. Then she turns toward Vriska and lurches mechanically toward her neck, who reacts quicker and pushes the former back into the chair. Kanaya is moving like a robot, stiff and unnatural, lacking her usual fluid grace, but she attacks anyway, again and again.

Jane uncaptchalogues her fork with a flash of light, and your sword is already in your hands.

Why had Kanaya smiled at you??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo!!!! Alpha kids. Ye, they exist.
> 
> Kanaya is precious, I'm so sorry Kanaya ;-;


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha I love breaking broken characters into even more broken characters

Hours in the past...

Even without her lipstick, Kanaya is such a strong fighter, it's crazy. She manages to actually bite you once or twice, and it hurts, but you think you're probably okay if you're not suddenly having any cravings for brains, or whatever it is these zombies want.

"Kanaya! Can you hear me?" you yell, pushing her back. She fights off your lasso and comes at you again, hissing, so you leap into the air and flutter out of reach before landing behind her. You need to keep her contained somewhere. Her lovely lilac dress is ripped at the shoulders and waist, and the look in her eyes is dead yet alight with malice at the same time. Like the body is all that's left of your friend, and whatever's inside is forcing itself out through her empty eyes. She turns around and reaches for you again, and you step nimbly backward out of reach, feeling a bit like Peter Pan as you flutter up again so she has to chase after you.

The thought brightens your spirits a little, and you grip your lasso tighter as you turn and flee into the alley behind the place you'd stayed the night. Kanaya runs after you, silently, yet with oddly choppy movements. She usually moves so fluidly and gracefully that her robotic movements right now scream out in stark contrast with the figure you've grown accustomed to seeing. You land outside a door and kick it open, letting a small flare of pride streak through you as it crashes open like in the movies.

Kanaya grabs your shoulders from behind, and her fangs suddenly sink deep into your artery.

If you had any doubt left, this erases it - Kanaya takes care to never pierce an artery. You stumble against her, dizzy, as you feel a faint pulling sensation as she draws the blood from your neck. You take in one shuddering breath, grip her arms tightly, and exhale in one whoosh as you throw your torso forward, effectively flipping her over your head. Her teeth tear away from your neck and she lands on the floor with a thump. You stumble forward and brace yourself against an armchair in the room, reaching up to touch the punctured flesh and finding sticky warmth instead.

Kanaya rises and moves toward you. You duck behind the chair as she clambers over it. Seeing your chance, you wrap your lasso around her arms and loop it around the chair before tightening, forcing her to collapse against the cushion. Kanaya hisses at you, but you wrap the rest of the length around her and tie it off.

"I'll be back," you promise, but she's still and she doesn't acknowledge you. "I have to find Sollux and Karkat."

Again, she doesn't move a single muscle, so you turn and launch yourself to the skies, making it as far as the roof and landing more or less on your feet before you suddenly collapse.

* * *

Sheer force of will is what makes you move from where you lie, the air slowly growing colder, your skin slowly growing colder. You're not bleeding as much anymore, but you feel lightheaded. But you've died once before and you are never going to die again. _Especially_ not like this.

It's definitely darker than it was before. Twilight is descending rapidly, drenching your surroundings in a surreal glow. The buildings seem too bright for the darkening sky. Part of that is also probably skewed perception from blood loss. You force yourself to your feet, trembling, wanting to cough but not daring to. It'll exhaust you faster. Your priority is to find Sollux and Karkat, assuming they're okay, which of course they have to be. So you launch yourself into the sky, trying to beat your wings fast and strong and managing only a slightly wobbly flight. It's hard to control your wings.

You rise higher, scanning the ground for any movement. There are zombies moving around here and there. Quite a few of them near the door of your building, but apparently their hands aren't any good at grasping and turning handles. A couple streets over there's running, so you try to fly closer, but it's some girl you don't know who stumbles into a dead end - and then shoots herself in the head before you can even get close enough to make out her face. You blink and sigh. A couple miles away there seems to be a car coming down a road oddly clear of any visible threat, but you know for sure Karkat's terrified of sitting behind the steering wheel and there's very little chance Sollux has developed the ability to drive over the past several hours.

Behind you suddenly comes the sound of shattering glass and alarms. You turn and see, a couple streets over, two figures running and shouting. One of them keeps stumbling - you smile to yourself. It's them. There's seven or eight zombies scrambling after them, moving in jerky movements like poorly programmed video games, making throaty noises and snarling as they use whatever limb they can to propel themselves forward. It's rather horrifying. They're covered in rainbow spatters.

You float down to them, trying to fly smoothly but descending too rapidly and unevenly. When you land, you topple on top of Sollux with a yelp.

"Aradia?" Karkat gasps, as Sollux stumbles and coughs.

"Hey, nice to have you back," he says in a hollow voice, clutching you tightly.

"Hm," you say happily, suddenly relaxing despite being practically dragged forward as the snarling voices come closer. The world is spinning.

"Are you okay?" there's an edge to Sollux's voice, surprise and fear. Panic.

"Fine, fine," you laugh, and then suddenly your body convulses as you dissolve into raucous coughing. Sollux is yelling in your ear, he's gathering you up in his arms, he's shaking you but now that you've held up your promise to find them again you kind of want to just rest.

You're being grabbed at, clawed at, and Sollux looses his footing and falls and curls around you. You open your eyes somewhat, glimpsing Karkat fighting desperately for his life through the strands of Sollux's hair. You reach out your hand. Just some concentration - you focus. Your willpower is your biggest weapon. A strong mind is stronger than any physical obstacle. You tighten the time around the zombies, freezing them, holding them back.

Karkat staggers away from them, chest heaving wth ragged breaths and legs and arms shaking from exhaustion. He's been fighting to keep two people alive by himself all day.

"AA," Sollux mutters urgently. "What happened?"

You breathe shakily. "Kuhnahy's guhne," you manage weakly.

"I give up," Karkat says hoarsely, exhaling fully through his words and sucking in breath again. "I give. Up. On. Romance."

Sollux rolls onto his back, still gripping you. "Are you oka-"

"No," Karkat says coldly. "I'm done. Everyone I love is met with ruination."

"KK," Sollux says slowly, gently. You love it when he's in this mood. It's sweet and kind and adorable, his good side. It's nice to see him like this right before you leave him. Heroic. You don't even know if it's worth it to be heroic. "Hey, dude, I killed both my matesprits and my kismesis. I'd say you're doing well."

Karkat glares at him icily. It's not an expression you've ever seen on that face, and it chills you. "Then romance was always dead for you as well," he says quietly. His voice is harsh and berating despite being barely audible.

Sollux swallows and lies there still for a moment. "That's rather rude," he decides after some time.

"I don't care," Karkat says flatly. His voice is monotone. "Let's get out of here, Aradia's not going to last." Sollux stands and pulls you up, hugging you close and supporting you. You feel kind of bad for causing so much trouble, so you try to walk on your own, but you're too busy focusing on the time to focus too much on your leg movements. You don't put stock in the hemospectrum from three universes ago, but you feel it now. A highblood would still be fully functional with your injury - you're almost dead.

"Just say it!" someone's voice rings out in the distance, coming from an alleyway only one block away. "Talk! Tell ne why you're acting like this!" You know that voice!!

"Yo, 'preciate the sentiment. I'm serious though, time is kind of fucked up here and we should check out what's happening before Jade zaps us back. It's almost nine."

"Dave Strider, you will not ignore ne. This is your last chance. This is the only opportunity you're ever getting to talk avout it."

There's a clattering noise from the direction of the voices. You've stopped moving forward.

"I kissed him, okay?? I kissed John on the fucking lips and now we're-" there's a green flash ahead of you, and the voices cut off.

You force your eyes wider open again. There's life in you yet. Especially when your friends need you. Karkat's face is stony, but it's flushing dark dark red.

"KK-"

Karkat whirls and touches the blade of his sickle to Sollux's throat, eyes still reflecting that new kind of anger - the cold, icy kind that scares you. "Like I said," he says levelly. "I don't care about romance anymore."

Then he uses his blood powers on the next thing he says, something he promised he'd never do. Intense, incomprehensible feelings stifle your senses, forcing you to bend to his will. Fighting with bonds and relationships. Manipulating them to attain the best combative advantage. Karkat promised he wouldn't do it to his friends, but here he is, turning against you and Sollux.

"Leave," he says in a voice just above a whisper. Sollux pulls back from the blade, and you can almost feel as his mood suddenly snaps around.

"Arrivederci, Vantas," Sollux snarls, before turning around with you. The phrase sends shivers down your spine.

You finally lose consciousness again after glancing back and seeing nothing but empty blood-spattered street.

* * *

"AA. Aradia. Aradia Megido. Maid of Time. Please don't go heroic on me, Aradia. Please. I can't stand losing you, not again. Please, AA. I need you."

Someone is crying. Your neck is bandaged up, but the fabric is damp and you know time's just about up. Even when you're made of time, it runs out eventually. You think maybe you're okay with that if Sollux is with you.

"Please! I lost you once to Serket, once to Equius... I had to watch copy after copy of you die, explode, get shredded to pieces, I had to watch your alpha self self-destruct, please, AA." The voice breaks into a sob. "I can't lose you! Not again. _Not again._ "

You're aware of hands smoothing your hair, and it brings back so many memories of when everything was sweet and simple. Warmth creeps over your heart like early frost, hesitant but beautiful. You smile and push the air out of your nose in a laugh.

Sollux hears it, and he suddenly frames your face in his hands, gentle as the summer breeze, as the blades of the grass from LOMAX, whispering your name over and over and over again.

"Hey," you manage. "We'll go back to traveling the bubbles again." Your voice is rough and scratchy, every syllable causing pain to lance across your jaw.

"I don't want that," he hiccups. "I want you alive and here with me. I want you... I..." His head falls to yours, your foreheads touching. You feel his frail body shaking with fear and loss. "It's been thousands of sweeps since I last saw what you looked like," he says miserably. "The last time I saw you in your own skin, you had empty eyes, tangled hair, moth-eaten and threadbare clothes." He laughs shakily. "The last time I saw you at all, you were metal and blue blooded and you blew yourself up." His hand smooths through your hair again. "I don't ever want to let you go. Never."

"Sollux," you say, and he rubs your noses back and forth.

"Say it again."

"Sollux," you laugh out, and open your eyes a crack. He's smiling a little, tears hanging off his eyelashes. "Kiss me?" It's your confirmation of his unvoiced question - you're not going to make it.

He visibly swallows, his face contorting into an expression of endless pain. He breathes out and in again, once, twice. Then he pushes gently forward, angling his head so his mouth fits over yours like it used to such a long time ago. He kisses you gently, sweetly, tenderly. You kiss him back softly, enjoying this last quiet moment.

"I'm flushed for you, Sollux," you whisper, and then your hand falls from where it was weaving through his soft hair.

Sollux throws back his head and screams, but you never hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but to be fair I cried like 7 times while writing this


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about aradia i really am but in the meantime here's some other stuff

"-basically in the most awkward place friendship has ever seen," Dave finishes frustratedly as your surroundings flash with green light. You smile and turn to John as if nothing's out of the ordinary, holding up a half-drooping red velvet cake. Instead of trying to find a way around saying 'happy birthday,' you just smile at him. "Hey, Egbert," Dave says. "Over the years that we've all known each other it seems there's been a trend of cake coupled with world-destruction on your birthday so hopefully now that Lalonde has completed her arbitrary impromptu craving for finding you this fuckin pastry you should feel more at home than ever." Dave doesn't look at John.

John blinks, looks at the cake, scans the new bruises and scars scattered over yours and Dave's bodies, sighs, facepalms, and finally laughs out, "Thanks, guys."

There are no candles, so Dave has Jade flash him back to the alley to pick up the sword he'd thrown before you'd returned, and then you use it to cut the cake. Jade and you sing, Dave rejects his slice in favor of apple juice, and then he stalks off to the bathroom to spend a good thirty minutes washing his sword. You let him brood as Jade wraps your bruised ankles - heels are terrible when you're running around in combat with dead things. And you know Dave ought to have his alone time. Why?

Because something is about to happen.

You can't really explain it. You know that John and Jade are going to be happy, sympathetic, and confused, you know that you're going to be angry and heartbroken, and you know that Dave is going to want to kill himself. You're absolutely clueless as to what kind of event could ever prompt this dynamic of heavy emotions. Your only fear right now is of Kanaya. She's strong, smart, and deadly, and you know there's no reason to worry - she's probably living peacefully wherever she got sent to, staying up later than she should with her sewing machine, anyway. But you're really, really scared. And you're concerned for Dave.

Dave has not been himself. He's never been himself. You remember the first time you met him, you were fascinated and intrigued and admittedly a little infatuated. It's not unlike your first memories of meeting Kanaya, only Kanaya was considerably nicer - but you're getting off topic. Dave was aloof while updating you on every new development in his life. He was cold and distant while talking at you constantly until you were online again. You briefly saw something that resembled happiness and genuineness in him when you were on the meteor, when you were engaging Vriska in important debates regarding the new session to keep her from going to bug Dave and Karkat because you knew they were watching a movie and Vriska wouldn't cotton to them 'wasting their time'. You saw that his _fear_ never went away.

You saw his death. You're guilty of that, of letting him blunder blindly into a sealed fate. Honestly, you'd thought he wouldn't come back. And you hadn't told anyone he was going to die, because if you told him it would get his spirits down, and if you told Kanaya she would end up being more kind to Karkat without realizing it, because that's the kind of wonderful person she is, and of course you couldn't tell Karkat. Terezi you didn't tell because you felt that maybe she kind of... knew, in a way. You could see it in her expression when she volunteered to fight with Dave. So of all people, you told Vriska.

_"It's a calculated risk," Vriska says._

_"No, not really," you correct her, making sure she understands. "It's a certainty. He will die."_

_Vriska nods and scrutinizes you. "Are you okay with that?"_

_"No, but I can accept it if there's no other way. I'm just making sure you know."_

_Vriska nods. "All we have to do then is to make sure Karkat doesn't find out. He'll actually short circuit and then we'll be down a member. He's going to be instrumental, too, we're going to need his unique skills to take care of a very potentially dangerous enemy. We need him functioning, at least until the fucking amphibian is released."_

_You lock eyes with her for a couple seconds. "Well, I'm glad we've reached a conclusion, and that we're clear," you say._

_"Likewise. And the rest of us will always be here for you once he's out." That's certainly true._

_So you decide to slowly start the process of getting your closure with Dave Strider._

But that all turned out okay anyway, and so you never had to worry in the first place. What you never cared to pay attention to was the thought of _Kanaya_ leaving you. You knew she wouldn't die, and that was all you checked for. 

"Hey, let's play Uno," John says, uncaptchaloguing a massive deck of Uno cards. You consider for half a second before taking a seat next to him, leaving the spot between you and Jade open to Dave. 

"Dave!" Jade yells. "Come here! We're all playing!" 

"On my way," he mutters, turning off the tap and toweling off his sword against his shirt. He hasn't actually been washing it, and there's still frosting at the tips, which smears across his shirt, but he doesn't seem to care. 

When he sits down, the cards have already been dealt, and you lay down a draw two on the first turn. Dave shoots you a dirty look. 

"Isn't it nice they invented Uno?" Jade says happily. "I've never played, except this one online version that was really glitchy and made for a terrible game." 

"The colors are all wrong, though," Dave mumbles as Jade drops a 5. "They're supposed to be red, bright green, dark blue, and yellow, not orange, pink, dark green, and light blue. 

"Doesn't create a huge difference," you say.

"Did I fucking ask for your opinion." He states it like a fact. 

"Draw four, Rose," John grins. Dave smirks and flips you off, before John says, "Orange," and Dave scowls and draws another card. You blow him a kiss. Now both of you have ten cards. 

"You are fucking banned from using your future powers, Rose," Dave hisses at you. You blink at him innocently. "Don't give me that bullshit." He's happy, you can tell. He's glad that you know, that he doesn't have to hide it anymore. It's interesting. You never expected Dave to be the kind of person who'd project his feelings onto someone else. He was always the type to bottle everything up and convince himself it all meant nothing.

It's your turn again, and you reverse it, which makes John draw a card. Jade reverses it back, which causes Dave to make a noise of frustration at the new color and John to sigh as he draws another card.

"It's weird how similar everything is to Earth, but different," John says.

"Are we talking about this again?" Dave mutters.

"Interesting since Earth also contained lots of scientists willing to search for a kind of seruvn that could cause these kinds of actions," you say, trying _really_ hard to get the point across.

"Actually, did you know zombie ants existed on Earth?" Jade says as she changes the color again, and John pumps his fist. Both of them have one card, and John wins with the next turn. "There's a fungus that manipulates the brains of ants - _manipulated_. It used to create zombie-like ants in tropical forest ecosystems. I found some on my island once, I'm not sure if it was always there or if someone brought it there," she says brightly, putting down her last card and backing out of the game as well, leaving just you and Dave. Neither of you have pink, and both of you are drawing card after card. It's okay. You meant for it to get this far. Dave keeps shooting you suspicious glares.

"You're doing this on purpose," he accuses.

"What would give you that idea?"

"I don't think the fungus could ever infect humans, though," John says. "Do you think that's what it is this time? Fungus?"

You shake your head as you draw another card. Light blue. "Doesn't ex...lain the time difference." Your m sounds really mushy, a cross between a v and an n, but it's okay, as long as the others understand.

Dave lets out a long huff of air as he draws another card. "John, you rigged this," he scowls, showing his hand to John.

John smiles uncomfortably at him and mutters, "No, it's normal," and Dave fixes his stare to the ground, having realized his mistake.

"Ooh," Jade says, looking first at your hand, then Dave's. "That's unfortunate. But yeah, that's right. The fungus would take the same amount of time to release the right chemicals, the only difference being body weight, age, that kind of thing. But as time goes on, it steadily gets slower, like the human race as a whole is evolving against it at once."

"It doesn't matter," Dave yells, finally drawing a pink 2 and throwing it into the pile. You consider your next move, change the color with a draw four wild, and then start laying down card after card. "It doesn't matter why it's happening, all that matters is that it's shitty and it's happening to us because everything fucking sucks. And that Earth was fucking terrible too but never would have had motherfuckin _zombies_ because it was infinitely better than this feculent shithole of a giant floating rock. Wow, look at that, Rose has won, woe is me, never saw it coming."

Dave throws down his hand, which is composed of a ridiculous amount of 1's. You smirk, but then someone else's voice rings out harshly from above.

"We would never have had them either, because Alternia was infinitely better than _your_ feculent shithole of a giant floating rock."

You forget about the alarm bells ringing in your head for a moment to lock eyes with Dave. "Holy shit," you breathe at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's Karkat. When he meets up the betas again, would you like it to be in Rose's or Dave's point of view? Vote in the comments below?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone needs more alpha

You grab Jake's shoulder. "Someone just screamed."

He nods. "I've got ears too!" You grin and swat him in the head, and he laughs back easily. Not to brag, (really, not to brag.) but Jake's been the most comfortable with you out of anyone else, even after all this time. He's made up with everyone, you're all comfortable with each other, one hundred percent, friendship resumed - but you can still tell sometimes. You can see when Dirk asks him a question and you can guess his reply but he responds with something passive or mundane instead. You can see when Jane asks him how she looks in something and you can tell what he's thinking and you think he's about to offer advice when he just says she looks nice, as if he hasn't even given any thought. Of course, he has, because later he'll tell you all about it - but he's not as open with the other two.

"I feel so bad for everyone who's been suffering for the last two days," you say, your heart jumping with sympathy. The four of you quickly found one place to settle down after Dirk pulled his stunt on Jake earlier, and didn't see much action.

"He's not suffering," Jake mumbles. "Well, he is. He's lost hope. But he's alive. Roxy, we've got a duty to this man, we need to help him."

"Really?" You consider for a moment, glancing down the alley. There's yelling coming from the darkened doorway now. "You're sure you want to walk, Jakey?"

He nods. You suspect for a brief second that he might just be trying to get away from the rest of the group - but either way, it's not like you're going to be the one to refuse him. In any case, he's right - some poor boy is dying and if Jake says there's hope for his survival, there sure as hell is.

"Alright." You open the car door and help him out. Your heights are perfect for this - your shoulder fits snugly right under his, so he's supported well.

It takes you around twenty minutes before you've no clue where to go. Jake tries to pinpoint the source, but according to him, "It's difficult to find a beacon of lack of hope among a post-apocalyptic world where around every corner lurks danger and hopelessness." Ah, his theatrics. It's another thing you don't hear as often around everyone else.

Eventually though, you start to hear crying. It's coming from a wooden structure in yet another back alley - seriously, why doesn't anyone hide in something like the fuckin bank or some shit? Money, metal walls - it's a no brainer. There's a single zombie that's making its way over to the door, and it turns to look at you before pausing to try to decide where to go. There's the mofo's mistake - Jake lifts one arm and blows both its legs clean off. You whistle.

"Well done." You give him some applause, and you can imagine him bowing if he had use of both legs.

When you open the door, the inside is dark. Your eyes slowly adjust to make out a single person curled into himself on the floor, hiccuping.

"Hey," you say gently.

"Leave me alone," but the voice is so pitiful and forceless that you don't even give the words another thought. You slowly help Jake to the floor before crawling over and gently placing one hand over the boy's shoulder. He's about your age.

He turns his head to face you, and that's when you see the head of a girl in his lap with a flowing mane of hair piled around him. His eyes are dark, literally - he's blind. He's also got four horns.

"I told you to leave me alone," he whispers miserably.

"Well shit," you say. "You're one of the only people we've stumbled across who isn't trying to kill us. Shouldn't we stick together?" You study the girl. She has a smooth face with faint smile creases near her mouth, cherry red lips and horns that curl around to frame her face. "Is she okay?" _Dumb question,_ you think, as you see the dark fabric dripping with red tied around her throat. Neck injuries are always terrible. No tourniquets (duh), and bandages don't always work.

"No," he says miserably. "My best friend is out there alone, he turned against us, _she_ left me, I'm alone too." His voice is louder, but now you can tell that he's worn his throat raw.

"No one's alone, mate," Jake says. "Come with us, we've got two other trolls and two other human friends with us."

For some reason, at the word "mate," the boy's face twists into another grief-stricken grimace and he curls back in on himself.

You inhale and exhale. He has no intention to come with you - but now that you've found him, there's no way you can possibly just leave him and let him _die_. Might as well go all out with this one. "Okay. You might not believe us. But, um, one of my friends, one of my _best_ friends, actually, has the power to bring people back to life."

The boy snorts, but he turns back to face you. You have his attention, at least.

"No, it's true!" Jake says. "I've seen it myself. She's revived people before, and she's gotten stronger. She can help your friend."

"It sounds fuckin impossible, I know," you say. The boy has stopped hiccuping, although tears still shine in his ruined eyes. "It only works once, though. She used it for my friend Dirk, who got decapitated, and I heard in another timeline she used it for another friend named Karkat, who'd been stabbed with a pitchfork - sorry, that probably doesn't make any sense to you, but just come with us-"

"You played the game."

You blink. "What?"

The boy massages his throat. "You played the game. You've got a life player."

You have no idea how he knows about this, but okay. "Yeah... And she can bring your friend back to life."

He nods, sudden desperation flying across his face. "Let's go. Let's go, right _now._ " You smile at him and help him up. He pulls the dead girl into his arms, carrying her with ease despite his frail form. It's then that you notice the wings.

"Oh my god," Jake says.

"Wings! She's - she's god tier!"

The boy nods. "Yeah. Let's go. I'm assuming you're one of Lalonde's or Strider's friends."

You smile as you help Jake up. "Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde is my daughter."

"Jake English, pleasure to meet you," Jake says cordially.

"Sollux. Let's hurry up."

"Roxy, want to try again?" Jake says. Your eyes widen.

"No way!"

"It worked last time!"

"What did?" Sollux asks, clearly getting impatient now.

"Roxy can make portals if she concentrates enough," Jake supplies not-helpfully. Nooo!! You don't want to accidentally kill everyone.

"I can't! It's really hard. It worked last time, yeah, and barely the time before that, but I still need more practice," you say all in a rush.

"I don't care, do whatever you have to do, just do it fast," Sollux says.

"Roxy, I believe in you," Jake says, squeezing your hand. "You can do it."

You laugh. Oh, man. The hope that fills you up. "You're totally doing this so you don't have to walk," you say, as the feelings inside you burst and multiply. You're feeling good about this now. You can probably do it. You close your eyes, thinking hard, imagining a simple concept - something that'll move you from this location back to the abandoned bar. You just have to..... Take it. Take the nothingness away from it. Take away the fact that it doesn't exist.

It's something Jake and you have been practicing for some time. Void and hope combine in really amazing ways. Jake's powers can join with yours to lift anyone's spirits, take the void away from any possible hope in the world, make literally anything happen. It's worked brilliantly whenever you've tried. When you open your eyes, you grin, bursting with joy inside. A shimmery blue circle of churning light is in front of you. Sollux doesn't wait, just walks straight through, as you follow him with Jake.

"I thought those were unstable," Dirk says on the other side.

"Welcome back!" you say brightly. "Who was it?"

"It was Kanaya," Vriska says.

"Sollux? _Aradia?_ " Terezi's gasping, limping over to Sollux and pulling him to sit down on the hood of the car.

"Oh my," Jane says. "I think you brought her here for me?"

"Maryam??" You say. "Rose's...? That's incredible, where is she though?"

"We left her back there," Dirk says. "Serket rolled some dice, made some rope. She's a zombie," he mutters. He's talking in that way again - the way where you can just tell that something huge is on his mind. You lead Jake to the car and let him sit next to Aradia, whom Sollux has laid down on the hood next to himself.

"Can you help her, Jane?" Jake asks anxiously.

" _Please,_ " Sollux begs.

"Oh, no..." you mutter, staring up at Dirk, aghast. "Poor Rose..."

Jane places her hands over Aradia's throat, closing her eyes. Bright blue light begins to softly flow from her fingers and spread over Aradia's body. You can't tell what's happening, but you know that whatever it is worked as soon as Aradia gasps in a breath.

Sollux flies into her arms as soon as he hears her breathing, clutching her tightly like he's never going to let her go. You can see him shaking. Your lips cant help but stretch into a smile, but your heart inside is falling endlessly. Kanaya, the love of Rose's life, is... she's gone. You can't breathe. You can't believe... Oh, no. oh. oh no. You're hollow inside, and you can't even begin to imagine what Rose will feel like once she finds out.

Aradia is smiling and brightly greeting everyone, one arm around Sollux's waist and one of his around hers. You smile through your thin sheen of tears and shake her hand, happy that at least one couple is together like they should be.

* * *

By the time it's late evening, you're moving across rooftops to avoid zombies as per Aradia's suggestion. You've circled around twice already, and Vriska's showing signs of frustration. "Of all the times for them to drop back under the radar," she fumes. "It's right when I'm nearly on top of them. Where are they??"

Terezi shakes her head. "Sorry."

Dirk inhales slowly, before exhaling. "Jane, you can feel life," he says quietly. Jane nods. "Jake can find hope, I can seek souls, Roxy, you're kind of in the dark, I guess."

"Thanks, Dirky," you laugh. "You're right though. The three of you should try together."

Dirk nods, holding out his hands. Jake takes one, Jane the other, and they're about to join hands with each other when Vriska steps in between. "Wait," she declares. Terezi follows her. She grabs Dirk's hand, the one clutching Jake's, and Terezi places her hand on top of theirs. Jane adds to the top of the pile, and then suddenly rainbow light blasts outward from the middle of the five of them. You wince and scrunch your eyes shut, glancing to the side where Aradia smiles at you. The special fancy god tier effects die down afte ra couple seconds, and Vriska stands up straighter, smiling. "I should have realized how much exacly all of you would have grown with your powers. Come on." She turns confidently and strides toward the next rooftop, fluttering over the gap between buildings without once breaking her pace.

"What is it?" you ask.

"Rose is using her powers to keep the four of them hidden," Dirk says. "They're only a couple buildings away. Vriska got us pretty close." You grin and give him a hug. You're going to see Rose, and Dave, and Jade, and _John_. You're buzzing with excitement.

You come through one of the windows in the side of the building. There are three floors inside, but the top has been reduced to nothing but catwalks, as has about two thirds of the second floor. You let yourselves down on some of the catwalks where the third floor should be, and crane your heads trying to get a view of anyone down below.

The first person you see is Karkat. He's standing on the second floor, glaring hard at something hidden under the part of the second floor that's still intact. You can hear distant murmurs, and your heart jumps with excitement. Then Karkat starts to speak, and none of you can wait any longer - all of you move at once, finding spaces between the crisscrossing beams and walkways to slip through so you can get to the ground floor. Your heart is bursting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might have been typos in the last part of this chapter, I didn't really proofread the ending.
> 
> and seeeeeee? I'm not completely evil. Aradia is bae


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no one's even reading this fic anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops, this chapter ended up kinda long

You. Can't. Breathe.

He's here, he's real, he's flesh and bone and breath and life and blood and rage and you realize you're starting to just go down the list of aspects without meaning to. You don't even move at first, just staring at him trying to catch your breath. You can't control the way your heart swells up in thrill. He's changed. It's not that this is new to you, having been interacting with Karkats of all ages in the bubbles, but seeing it here on this plane of reality is something that cements it more in your head. You _never thought you'd see him again_. You don't even know how to react, except - just, _holy shit._

He's wearing a half sleeve shirt, too. You've never seen his arms before, ever, and for some reason the sight makes you feel funny things in your chest. It's a dark maroon with his usual gray cancer symbol in the middle. He's also wearing jeans rather than the gray pants he always had on the meteor. And just that simple change of dress makes him look so much better, it's impossible to believe. But you can believe it. You can see it.

The other thing you notice is that he's holding his sickles. Not the colored ones from his tv show, but serviceable plain gray ones that are wickedly thin and sharp. And not just that, but he's holding them with his arm loose and his grip tight in the way you're supposed to do when you're expecting to fight. This confuses you. You've grown up practically surviving on your ability to read body language, and Karkat's is not relaxed, far from it. It's like he expects you to eat his brains right here and now. And that's the only reason you haven't run to him yet.

John doesn't notice. "Karkat! Oh, man, it's been a whole year!" he jumps up and bounds over, holding his arms out for a hug with Jade on his heels, but Karkat elbows him away. It's a little funny, because the guy used to be all down for any kind of physical contact.

"Yeah," Karkat mutters darkly, and something, you don't know what, burns through your stomach like frostbite. He's acting like... normal, but not. Himself, but not. You rise but still make no attempt to go near him because of the way he's standing.

"Is Kanaya with you?" Rose says, not trying to portray the quivering hope in her voice, but it pierces through anyway. Karkat turns to face her, his posture still all weird - he's at ease but straight, a steel beam for a spine, loose knees, neck stretched high, eyes level and watchful, shoulders back. Fingers tight and wrists loose. He's standing like he's in the middle of a battlefield, and your tension is skyrocketing. He's not... him. He locks his eyes straight on her with such an intensity it makes you almost shiver. Why won't he look at you?? He opens his mouth, his chin tilted slightly up, when another figure clad in blue and black drops down from above and claps their hand over his mouth.

John's face splits even wider, if possible. You inhale slowly and hold for a couple seconds, controlling your breath as you let it out. "Karkat, shut up," Vriska sighs as Karkat fights her off. "Rose, I'm sorry, but..." And that's enough. You glance down at Rose as lightning strikes her face. It's suddenly a million miles away, and the sheen over her eyes is growing and growing. You don't even hear the rest of her sentence because Rose has deflated and with her so has the world. You can't say you were ever really really close with Kanaya, but she was definitely a friend, and Rose is definitely your sister, and Kanaya was definitely Karkat's good friend. Your mixed emotions multiply when two more things happen: three trolls and four humans all descend from the ceiling, and Karkat pries Vriska away from him with his sickles, drawing sprays of blue blood. Vriska swears.

"She's dead," he says, and it sounds harsher than anything you've ever heard from his mouth.

"Karkat," you whisper, quietly, and he hears you somehow. His eyes snap to you, and there's something so unfamiliar there that you actually flinch.

"Dave," another voice says. You stare at Karkat for a couple more seconds before moving, looking down first at Rose, who's sitting there staring into space, and then up at him.

"Hey, man," you say quietly, clapping your hand together with Dirk's and pulling him close to thump his back with your other one. Roxy pounces on you after that, her hugs ever tight and warm. She sends you a sunburst of a smile before sitting down gently next to Rose.

Everyone's exchanging greetings except Karkat. He's standing alone at the edge, not responding to anyone, really only interacting with Vriska and even then only to glare at her. You consider that he maybe has no specific reason to, but you were kind of expecting him to be happy to see you. He very clearly isn't even so much as willing to acknowledge your presence, and you don't know what to do about that. You've been avoiding trying to take stock of injury, but then you see Jake and Terezi waving to you, sitting on the floor with dried blood coloring their legs. You walk over to them and kneel down. Terezi, at least, seems happy to talk to you.

"Yo," you mutter, kneeling down. "What happened to you two?"

"We met Gamzee," Terezi says, wrinkling her nose and turning her nose down to her bruised and bloody legs. "I just thought I'd sit."

"Got bitten in the leg," Jake says, shrugging. "Long time no see, my friend." He salutes and Terezi grins.

"Yeah, it's been a while, but damn," you comment. Then you don't know what else to say to ease the conversation into what you really want to talk about, so you just blurt it out: "Is Karkat okay?"

"Dunno," Jake says seriously. "We only just met him. My friend Sollux over there says Karkat left them to go off on his own. It was rather lucky that we found him here."

"Not really," Terezi says. "I mean, I don't know why Karkat's... his mind is really dark and cloudy. I just mean, it's not really luck. Getting here was hellish. Do you know how hard it was to find you??" she demands, laughing.

"That's the point, isn't it?" you say, smiling a little. "Sorry, I think? Rose's bullshittery seems to have worked, anyway."

"Yeah, all that really matters is that we don't become one of them," Jake agrees.

Then Terezi sighs, lowering her head but keeping her gaze on Karkat, who's still standing at the edge of everyone else exchanging greetings. John's walking away from him awkwardly, and Jade is trying to talk to him. "I don't know what happened while Vriska and I were gone," she mumbles. "But he's very different."

"What do you mean? Where were you gone?"

"She and Vriska left their group to come find the four of us," Jake supplies. "We encountered Kanaya on the way, as well as Sollux and Aradia, whom we brought with us."

You nod. "But Karkat?"

"Go talk to him, Dave," Terezi scowls.

"I - what?"

"It's all you want to do right now. Just go talk to him. He'll probably welcome you more than Vriska, anyway. But then again, I don't know, because they've been black-flirting so maybe it's somewhere close to the same level as what you and him have, but for your own good, just go."

You open your mouth to try to salvage something of the facade she just slaughtered, but there's nothing you can possibly say, so you decide to just shut up and do as she says. She shoots you a playfully malicious smile, and you pout at her.

The walk to him feels literally like an eternity unto itself. You're shaking for some reason, and there's something inside you that makes you just want to turn around, turn back, turn away, leave him. He still won't... _look_ at you. You stop once you're within earshot. "Are you ignoring your boyfriend on purpose?" Vriska says, glancing between you and Karkat. You ignore the way your heart flutters at the word 'boyfriend.' "Having boy trouble?"

Karkat doesn't turn his head. He's leaning against the wall, staring at another corner of the room. "No," he answers, and that's it.

"Oh, suddenly tight-lipped?"

"I know when to shut up, which is more than either you or him can say."

"Oo. Alright. I'll leave you to it then. Karkat, if you cry, you can always talk to me, you know? I won't judge you. Don't be afraid to let it all out! The weak always break down when they're pretending to be strong."

Ah.

Did you really miss this?

"Okay, thanks," you say, irritated. "Can you leave now?"

Vriska winks at you and turns away, scowling and pinching at her arm where it's still bleeding. You try to take another step forward, but then Karkat's eyes slide over to you and you can't really seem to move anything, all of a sudden. Except your heart and your stomach and your thoughts - they are very much in motion, and they're throwing everything off inside of you. It's all his fault.

"Well?" he demands. "If you have something to say, spit it out."

Wow. The first sentence he's said to you all day, and it doesn't even have a swear word in it?? The apocalypse really is upon you.

"If you're just going to stand there, I think the statues belong in the park down the street and to the right."

You inhale a shaky breath. "Hey."

He raises his eyebrows. And, just... _why is he acting like this????_ You've never seen the hot-blooded guy with such a chilly demeanor.

"Uh, it's good to see you."

He blinks in acknowledgement, shaking his head a tiny bit as if to say _And?_

You frown and sigh. "What's with you? You're not acting like yourself."

"Oh, who am I acting like, then?"

"I don't know!" Your frustration and anguish is building. He's here, he's in front of you, the boy you fell in love with, and even still, he's not. "You're not acting like I expected you to at all!"

"Sorry I can't live up to your dreams."

"That's not what I meant." You finally step forward, and for some reason it's easier now, so you keep coming until it feels like you've suddenly hit a barrier about two feet away from him. "Did something happen?"

He tilts his head at that. He used to do that all the time before, and the familiarity of it contrasted with the stony expression on his face shocks you, makes your legs weak, makes you want to fall down, makes you crumple up inside like aluminum foil. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know what made you so..." _cold,_ you want to say, but somehow you feel like it won't get you any answers.

"You need to know what you want for me to give it to you," he says, and that sentence sends so many chills down your spine. There are so many things you want that only he could give you, but being seventeen has its privileges and one of those is understanding that a situation like this one isn't always an optimal time to go making requests like that.

"What changed you?"

He pauses, considering his words carefully, shifting his jaw back and forth, chewing on his own cheeks inside his mouth. You watch him, watch his lips as they tug and pull against each other with every movement, watch his chest as it rises and falls, his legs, the cloth tighter around them than you've ever imagined despite the fact that they're just jeans, his fingers, pressing into his biceps, said biceps, toned and lean and defined and distracting, everything. You take all of him in because you've been starved for a year and he's a banquet table of exquisiteness. Then, he says, "You," and not even in the way where it could mean a good thing.

It's like the embodiment of thunder has massacred the individual parts of your entire being with a club. Karkat seems to decide the conversation's over, because he stops leaning against the wall and walks away to talk to Vriska again. You hate that, you hate that with a passion, you hate watching them converse across the room with fanged grins and black-lipped smiles. You wanted him for so long, you waited and wished pointlessly for so long, and when you finally got it, you got... this.

God, this is the worst kind of hell.

* * *

You're woken up sometime in the middle of the night. You've been drifting in and out of sleep ever since everyone decided to turn in for the night, because someone rustles something in their sleep or murmurs something out of a dream and you're suddenly wide awake. Four years is a long time, but not enough to erase an entire childhood of growing up ready to fight at any given moment. This time, however, you stay up and listen for a while, because you can hear voices.

"Where are you going?" someone whispers.

"Go back to sleep."

"You're leaving again?"

"Yes."

"The hell is your problem? Get back here."

"Your anger isn't going to deter me. Go back to sleep, and don't go complaining to anyone this time. I have my ways of making what I want to have happen happen."

"I never fully understood what I was supposed to do with doom, but I'll try whatever I need to make sure you don't fuck off like an idiot again. If something goes awry in the process you'll only have yourself to blame."

"Sollux. Bye."

There's suddenly the sound of scraping metal and grunting before someone falls to the floor and all that's left is heavy breathing.

"Didn't you get here before us, all on your own? What, there's no reason for that? You're telling me you just moseyed into this building, happened across everyone else from the game, thought you'd stay a while, and then you're going to leave now in the middle of the night? You used to care more, you know, you used to give a fuck about what happened around you. I highly doubt this is the effect of a single day. You're upset and you're throwing a tantrum and you're cutting that shit out, right now."

"See, this is where you'd be wrong. I don't care anymore. You do, and that's your weakness. How long did it take after I left you before Aradia died?"

"That's not funny. How long did it take after the battle started before Dave died?"

"Yeah, see, that wasn't _my_ fault. He brought that on himself. He deserved whatever he got. Kanaya, though, I can hold some form of responsibility for that, and Aradia's is all on you. I can live with my guilt. It's simple. You don't care, you don't hurt. You, on the other hand, are still dependent. So I'm leaving." Breathing is suddenly hard. It's Karkat and Sollux, you're pretty sure.

"Stop. Are you even listening to what you're saying? What, and you think you'll make it just fine on your own? At least we have Vriska here to keep us safe for as long as Rose is unable. Speaking of which."

There's a pause. "Speaking of what, Captor?" You clench your jaw, curling in on yourself. You were feeling like you were missing out on something, the way Karkat has been refusing to say your name, but the way he says Sollux's makes you feel glad you haven't had to hear the same tone on your syllables.

"You've given up on romance, huh?" What? "Big words coming from a guy eating his kismesis's face in the bathroom at dinner. What are you trying to get out of that? You can't convince me that you've given up on romance _and_ that you're in a serious caliginous relationship."

"You know what, Sollux, last I checked our moirallegiance was over after you dragged me into that game. If you want me back so badly, you need to really get a move on."

"Look at you. You pompous piece of shit."

"I thought you couldn't."

"Do not bring my blindness into this, that's low." Both of them are seething at each other now. "I don't give a fuck, you're staying here. And you're going to stop hatesnogging Vriska in the bathroom. It doesn't even have a door. Do it outside where the zombies can all watch and adore you."

"I don't see how this arrangements benefits _anyone._ "

"It benefits you because you're going to be alive. It benefits me because I'll have stopped you from being an ignorant shitstain. It mutually benefits Vriska and you because whatever game you're playing won't end up in something sick and toxic like with Terezi and Gamzee. And it benefits Dave."

"I care about Dave least of all."

That's the moment you can't take any more. You uncaptchalogue your sword and shoot to your feet, forcing both of them quiet. You make no effort to turn in their direction. You head straight for the hole in the ceiling, pausing once you stand right underneath it.

"Karkat," you say quietly. Just that name is so full of broken fragmented pain, and your throat suddenly conscricts so tight it's impossible to even breathe.

You fly away from the room and Karkat and the entire warehouse, into the sky, into the night, into the silence and the cold and the starlight where everything is soft and not much hurts, at the speed of light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know anymore


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't really count this as a double update since both chapters are so short, but YEAH whoop-de-doo I have come back to life

You don't sleep. You can't feel anything except a crushing grief on your chest, and even though Roxy tucked you in with her jacket and fell asleep with your head on her lap like it was a pillow, you don't sleep. You hear Karkat's and Sollux's argument in a haze, you listen as Dave leaves and as Vriska wakes and starts yelling at Karkat, as Dirk gets up and goes after Dave and as Aradia tries to calm Sollux down and get him to go back to sleep. You listen to it all with eyes wide open, not processing any of it.

You don't know if you'll ever love anyone like you loved Kanaya. She was... Something _else._ She was something different and unique in every way imaginable from everyone else in the universe. And all the little things about her, how she blushed white and liked to kick up the layers of her skirts and her careful pronunciation and how she spent so much effort and put so much care into her dresses. You were wrong. You do know whether you'll ever love anyone like you loved Kanaya; the answer is, you won't.

You keep trying to find her. It's the only thing you can focus on. But it's like she's gone dark. All you can see are zombies and the network they're connected by.

This is how you figure out what's causing the apocalypse.

You just don't have the heart to tell anyone. Your first choice is probably Dirk. He'd understand and he'd start obsessively working at a solution, as he does. Then you would tell Sollux. You think he'd be able to solve the problem too. After that, definitely Roxy, because at this moment you really don't fancy talking to anyone else. She isn't bad with computers, herself, either.

But Dirk's still gone in the morning when everyone rises. There isn't enough food for everyone, but Roxy makes sure you fill your stomach regardless, and at the end logic tells you to thank her although you really don't feel any less hollow inside. A group of people go out to get more food to eat, you really don't pay attention to who it is.

The Striders come back around midday, or... something. The sky is bright, that's all you know.

"Where's Karkat?" Dave immediately asks.

"He went with the rest to go find breakfast," Sollux answers him. "John, Jane, Vriska."

"I would have gone," Jade mutters. "But someone needs to stay here to keep this place from falling to zombies, now that..." She glances at you, worried. "I don't think Rose is up to it." You close your eyes. You feel like you probably shouldn't endanger everyone else just for your personal reasons, but at this point you really don't care if you're bitten by one or not.

You pull yourself off the couch, and Roxy watches you as you step towards a window and pry off an old, splintering plank of wood. Jade's ears twitch a little as you do, but she doesn't warn you against it. Outside, there are zombies walking toward the building, being pushed away as if by some invisible physical force, opening and closing their mouths as they keep trying to get through. The closest one makes eye contact with you and struggles against Jade's force, desperate, frustrated. You stare back at it dully.

How pathetic. You feel sorry for whoever's body is now being inhabited by this. You feel sorry for everyone. More than anything, though, you're exhausted. You beat Caliborn once, built a universe, and you were living in it wonderfully until he pulled this shit. You're so tired of it all. Who has the energy to keep fighting again and again and again?

The zombies in your field of vision grow in number, all of the bodies in the vicinity being called toward the window you've just exposed. Jade frowns, sensing their movements, and walks over, gently nudging some of your hair out of the way as she peers at the growing crowd.

"Rose," she mumbles, firm but quiet in your ear. "We should step away from here."

"Hey," Dave calls, and you turn your head around to look at him. Sollux looks up at the exchange. "I'm sorry," he says helplessly, and that doesn't cut it, that _so doesn't cut it,_ and that's when you start crying.

You collapse to the floor right under the window, your vision clouding with tears and overflowing, streaking down your face like rain. You sob once, twice, and there are hands on your back and Roxy is hugging you into her chest and whispering "shhhh," and all you can feel is the universe imploding with you at the center. You didn't even get to see her. Your hand drifts up to clutch at the silver Virgo necklace around your throat, pulling until the chain snaps, and you gaze down at it through hazy eyes. Sobs catch in your throat on their way out, mixing with hiccups and ripping the voice out of you, filling the room with your grief. You think you can fill the entire building with your grief. You think you can fill the entire genesis frog with your grief. Someone puts a blanket around you and you appreciate the gesture, drawing it tight around yourself and squeezing your eyes.

People strike up conversation eventually. Terezi comes and talks to you after a while, deciding to try to make you feel better, and it works for the most part. The words she says drift out of your mind, only registering for a split second before they're erased, but her voice is low and calm and after some time you stop crying. You aren't the only one who misses her. Dave is too caught up in Karkat to properly dwell on her, but it's in everyone else's faces; the first death, as far as she knows, and Sollux is the only one who seems to be handling it relatively okay. But then, he already had to live through Aradia's. It's obvious that he's clinging to her life desperately like never before, evident in the way he keeps nudging her, keeps holding her hand, keeps leaning in to breathe her in and make sure she exists. She's happy about it, though.

For you it's just painful.

Dave and Terezi fly out together at one point, searching for your missing party of four. They come back twenty minutes later with nothing. You finally start to process this new event, and then you start to worry, sickeningly, achingly. Will you see John again? You didn't get a chance to talk to any of the others, either. It would only be worse if they didn't come back.

"Dirk," you call out later that evening, your voice surprisingly clear and steady. "Come here. Get the recorder."

Dirk obliges, bringing it to you, and you take it from his hands and push the recorder button on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I didn't proofread, sorry for typos


	16. Day Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one and the one before are kinda short sorryyyyy

I've figured out what's causing all of this.

What.

You have?

They're controlled renotely fron an outer source.

You're saying they're robots.

Who's controlling them?

Cali...

Caliborn.

He's the one.

Wait. How do you know this? I don't see him. I should be able to, if you are.

You're a seer of nind. You see choices. I can see the network they res-ond to.

If they're robots.

The controls can be easily overridden.

Rose, that's _amazing_ but we... don't have a single fuckin computer in this mess.

There's a library maybe a mile from here, but it's full of old monitors and we'd have to all go there in person if we wanted to use them.

We're heading back out, then, is that it?

We send a small group out. Me, Rox, Sollux, Rose. We go to the library, shut down the robots if we can't gain control of them, and meet back up with you once this is all done.

Split us up even more? That's fucking stupid. John and Karkat aren't even back yet, heading out now is the dumbest shit we could do. This is exactly how everyone always dies in every typical zombie story ever. And, jeez, Rose, why did you wait so fucking long to mention this?

I was too occu-ied grieving and saving myself fron zombies to check for possibly threatening ro-ots in the vicinity.

Point.

It's worth the risk. If we get to that library, we can shut down the apocalypse. This is the best news I've heard all day. If Karkat's group doesn't make it back, this is the one thing that will guarantee that they're safe. I say we go. Rose can keep us safe.

Can you, Rose?

... yeah.

Oh my god!

I know. Did you realize it too?

Terezi! Yes! Rose!

_What._

We can bring Kanaya back, I think.

....

I was just thinking about that. I think that'll actually work.

.....

Rose?

We need to give it a shot.

Recorded 7:03 p.m. 4/7/14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....... what do you think? If you're still with this I seriously love you so much. I've gotten into voltron lately so I've really struggled with all my homestuck fics and if you like voltron be sure to check out some of my work over there. I'm still going to work on this, probably until it's all nicely wrapped up and finished off and then maybe I'll go back and finish illustrating it.  
> Honestly I was really struggling with the flow for this so I figured, _time to move the plot along._ Let me know if you need clarification with what's going on with the zombies and caliborn?? I'll try to clear it up more in chapter 17.
> 
> And as always, thank you so much for reading!!! It's been ages since I updated, so to all of you who are still here you're awesome love you lots <3


	17. Chapter 17

Hey guys..

I'm sorry to say that I won't be finishing this fic. I'm starting my senior year in high school and I'm figuring out college stuff and dealing with the full IB program and I just don't have the same voice with homestuck anymore. I might pick this up again - if i'm going to be honest, out of all my other homestuck fics, if i'm going to finish any of them it'll end up being this one. But for now, I just don't have the time or energy to work through this. I've been devoting a lot of my time recently to voltron and honestly I'm just not going to be able to see this through.

It thrills me to see how many people have loved this fic. This is probably my most popular one so I'm really sad to say goodbye to this prematurely.

What was happening is that Caliborn was using robots to control people in an effort to find the players and kill them. They were honestly all going to die by the end.

Feel free to message me on my [tumblr](https://stupid-altean-pools.tumblr.com/).

If you like voltron, go read some of my vld fics. I'm working on a 100k klangst fic, so look out for that - i'll start posting sometime in the next few months.

This was a great adventure and I'm sorry to end it. I love you guys!

I might pick this fic up again a year from now....

But until then.

Good luck to everyone who paid for hiveswap :)


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